More Really Bad Jokes

[stefen]

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.

Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him.

What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall?
Dam!

Why don't blind people like to sky dive?
Because it scares the hell out of the dog.

 

[hammered]

Me: I've got a dog with no nose

You: How does he smell?

Me: Bloody awfull

 

[Glenns5900]

How does a blind skydiver know when he is about to hit the ground?

The leash goes slack.

 

[aa battery]

 

[DigginThePast]

These skydiving jokes leave me feeling rather flat.

 

[ivan salis]

Q - what do you call a deer with no eyes?

A - no eye deer

Q - what do you call a deer with no legs and no eyes ?

A still no eye deer.

Q what do you call a deer with no legs , no male unit and no eyes?

A stiil no f n ing eye deer

 

[hammered]

These skydiving jokes leave me feeling rather flat.

OK just for you DigginThePast

A man goes skydiving for the first time. After listening to the instructor for what seems like days, he is ready to go.

Excited, he jumps out of the airplane. About five seconds later, he pulls the ripcord. Nothing happens.

He tries again. Still nothing.

He starts to panic, but remembers his back-up chute. He pulls that cord. Nothing happens. He frantically begins pulling both cords, but to no avail.

Suddenly, he looks down and he can't believe his eyes. Another man is in the air with him, but this guy is going UP!

Just as the other guy passes by, the skydiver -- by this time scared out of his wits -- yells, "Hey, do you know anything about skydiving?"

The other guy yells back, "No! Do you know anything about gas stoves?"

 

[oldmaps]

What do you call a dog with no legs ?

Nothing ..... he couldnt come anyways

 

[DigginThePast]

These skydiving jokes leave me feeling rather flat.

OK just for you DigginThePast

A man goes skydiving for the first time. After listening to the instructor for what seems like days, he is ready to go.

Excited, he jumps out of the airplane. About five seconds later, he pulls the ripcord. Nothing happens.

He tries again. Still nothing.

He starts to panic, but remembers his back-up chute. He pulls that cord. Nothing happens. He frantically begins pulling both cords, but to no avail.

Suddenly, he looks down and he can't believe his eyes. Another man is in the air with him, but this guy is going UP!

Just as the other guy passes by, the skydiver -- by this time scared out of his wits -- yells, "Hey, do you know anything about skydiving?"

The other guy yells back, "No! Do you know anything about gas stoves?"

Good ones.

I just couldn't edit your second joke without having it loose its "essence". Had to pull that one.

 

[hammered]

These skydiving jokes leave me feeling rather flat.

OK just for you DigginThePast

A man goes skydiving for the first time. After listening to the instructor for what seems like days, he is ready to go.

Excited, he jumps out of the airplane. About five seconds later, he pulls the ripcord. Nothing happens.

He tries again. Still nothing.

He starts to panic, but remembers his back-up chute. He pulls that cord. Nothing happens. He frantically begins pulling both cords, but to no avail.

Suddenly, he looks down and he can't believe his eyes. Another man is in the air with him, but this guy is going UP!

Just as the other guy passes by, the skydiver -- by this time scared out of his wits -- yells, "Hey, do you know anything about skydiving?"

The other guy yells back, "No! Do you know anything about gas stoves?"

Good ones.

I just couldn't edit your second joke without having it loose its "essence". Had to pull that one.

No probs mate, it's a fine line

 

[Chug And Red]

1. “May the itch of a thousand crabs affect the one who ruins your day and may their arms be too short to scratch.”
2. Dear radio, is it necessary for you to play a song I like when I arrive at my destination?
3. Vodka-$19.99. Motel-$54.99. Condoms-$2.99. Finding Out She Swallows... PRICELESS!!!!! Screw Visa, It Pays To Discover!!!!!
4. I've got the "turning beer into pee" routine perfected. Now if I can figure out how to reverse the process then I'll be rich!
5. Restrooms now have auto flushes, taps, hand dryers. But isn't it silly that you cancel all that by touching the door handle on your way out?
6. Calories - Little people who live in your closet who sew your clothes a little bit tighter every night.
7. Vegetarians must hate themselves because they're made of meat.
8. Got caught checking out another woman? Turn to your woman and say "Did you see how ugly that girl's hair was?"
9. Dear Tequila, we had a deal last night. You were supposed to make me funnier, smarter and a better dancer. I saw the video, we need to talk.
10. Roses are red, violets are blue, I have five fingers, the middle one's for you!!!!

Ok, made ya laugh, ya'll have a good night! Red

 

[Glenns5900]

You all have probably heard these jokes......

Q.. What do you call a man with no arms and legs in a swimming pool?

A.. Bob ?

Nope - - Duncan

-------------
Q.. What do you call a woman with no arms and one leg shorter than the other?

A.. Ilene

-------------
Q.. What do you call an oriental woman with no arms and one leg shorter thant the other?

A.. Irene

 

[Ray S S]

The daffynition of 'vegetarian'

Old Indian word for a poor hunter.


Daffynition of 'locomotive'

Rediculous reason for doing something

 

[stefen]

A paraplegic hanging on a wall...Art

A paraplegic sitting at the front door...Matt

A paraplegic on a desk...Paper Weight

 

[aa battery]

might use sum of desa jokes

 

[sniffer]

Q. how do you feel?

A. with my fingers.

 

[savant365]

These will probably get sensored but oh well...

Q: What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

A: Anyone can roast beef!

Q: What's gray and comes in quarts?

A: Elephants!

 

[stefen]

These will probably get sensored but oh well...

Q: What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

A: Anyone can roast beef!

Q: What's gray and comes in quarts?

A: Elephants!

You need to take your meds...