BrisJoe
Sr. Member
- #1
Thread Owner
3 drunk guys enterd a taxi. The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine & turned it off again. Then said, "We have reached your destination". The 1st guy gave him money & the 2nd guy said "Thank you". The 3rd guy slapped the driver. The driver was shocked thinking the 3rd drunk knew what he did. But then he asked "What was that for?". The 3rd guy replied, "Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!"
Boy: *calls 911* Hello? I need your help!
911: Alright, What is it?
Boy: Two girls are fighting over me!
911: So what's your emergency?
Boy: The ugly one is winning.
Cop: "Did you kill this man?"
Me: "No, a bullet killed him. Bullets are made of lead, which comes from the ground. The ground is part of nature. He died of natural causes. Case closed."
20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please dont let Kevin Bacon die!
Dad: Say daddy!
Baby: Mommy!
Dad: Come on, say daddy!
Baby: Mommy!
Dad: F*ck you, say daddy!
Baby: F*ck you, Mommy!
Mom: Honey, I'm home!
Baby: F*ck you!
Mom: Who taught you that?
Baby: Daddy!
Dad: Son of a b*tch.
Husband (watching a video):
Don't do it! I swear you gonna regret it for the rest of your life. You stupid idiot! Don't say yes. No! No! NOOO!! Aw dang, he actually did it! What a dumb ass!
Wife: Honey, why you so mad? What'aya watching?
Husband: Our wedding ceremony.
when a girl changes in front of you
(a) she likes you
(b) your level 99 friend zone
(c) she's pretty sure your gay
When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think its cute. I just think it's crazy how many people bring knives on a date.
I exercise by running up the street knocking on all the doors.Jehovah's fitness.
I told my dad to embrace his mistakes.
He cried. Then he hugged my sister & me.
Neil Armstrong was the first human being on the moon.
Neil A. backwards is Alien.
Mind f*cked.
To do list:
1. Buy a sword
2. Name it Kindness
3. Kill people with Kindness
Boy: *calls 911* Hello? I need your help!
911: Alright, What is it?
Boy: Two girls are fighting over me!
911: So what's your emergency?
Boy: The ugly one is winning.
Cop: "Did you kill this man?"
Me: "No, a bullet killed him. Bullets are made of lead, which comes from the ground. The ground is part of nature. He died of natural causes. Case closed."
20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please dont let Kevin Bacon die!
Dad: Say daddy!
Baby: Mommy!
Dad: Come on, say daddy!
Baby: Mommy!
Dad: F*ck you, say daddy!
Baby: F*ck you, Mommy!
Mom: Honey, I'm home!
Baby: F*ck you!
Mom: Who taught you that?
Baby: Daddy!
Dad: Son of a b*tch.
Husband (watching a video):
Don't do it! I swear you gonna regret it for the rest of your life. You stupid idiot! Don't say yes. No! No! NOOO!! Aw dang, he actually did it! What a dumb ass!
Wife: Honey, why you so mad? What'aya watching?
Husband: Our wedding ceremony.
when a girl changes in front of you
(a) she likes you
(b) your level 99 friend zone
(c) she's pretty sure your gay
When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think its cute. I just think it's crazy how many people bring knives on a date.
I exercise by running up the street knocking on all the doors.Jehovah's fitness.
I told my dad to embrace his mistakes.
He cried. Then he hugged my sister & me.
Neil Armstrong was the first human being on the moon.
Neil A. backwards is Alien.
Mind f*cked.
To do list:
1. Buy a sword
2. Name it Kindness
3. Kill people with Kindness
