need marriage counseling

[certified male]

OK HERE IT IS. THE BEAUTIFUL ONE AND I HAVE BEEN MARRIED 31 YRS. I USED TO LEAVE HER FOR THE WEEKENDS AND MD, SO IT WAS " ME OR YOUR MISTRESS ( MY METAL DETECTOR.) NOW IN MY OLD AGE I'M SAVING UP FOR A GOOD ONE AND HAVE GREAT PLACES LINED UP TO SEARCH. THE QUESTION IS ...HOW CAN I GET HER MORE ON BOARD? SHE DOES NOT WANT TO JOIN ME OR SIT IN THE CAR LIKE SHE USED TO AND READ. I HAVE SOME IDEAS BUT WOULD LIKE SOME INPUT. BY THE WAY SHE'S VERY NICE ( AND PRETTY!) THANKS

 

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[TreasurdiggrNY]

Sounds like your past trips were all about you detecting, either by yourself or with the wife sitting in the car. She may never have felt included. Maybe your hunts were too long for her liking?

Why not try planning days together to include things you both like. Maybe a nice breakfast followed by a short hunt and then a movie.

Maybe a nice lunch then a short hunt and then a trip to the mall.

Tell her how you want to include her in this and talk to her about how she feels about it.

Good Luck!!

Glenn

 

[JOe L]

Great advice above,,, or, take her on a Cruise. Whenever my wife starts questioning my hobbies, be it fly fishing or MD'ing, I take her on a cruise..

Now when we board the ship we know all by the first name.....

 

[MD Dog]

Salt an area with some descent jewelery. Talk her into just givin it a one or two hour trial. If she don't find nothin then you'll quit. But when she finds the goods, you'll have her hooked. Jewelery and women never misses. Jk really gotta find somethin to occupy her while your hunting. My wife likes to hunt with me sometimes, somtimes she sits and croche's

 

[Gypsy Heart]

But what does she like to do? Is there a hobby or an interest she has that you arent to crazy about? Maybe she doesnt care if you hunt alone or enjoy your hobby without her,because it gives her a chance to enjoy what she likes. Would you be willing to sit in a vehicle and read while she does her hobby? Or would you really like to be doing something else.
If you really want her to join you...tell her...see how she feels about it...just because you are partners in life doesnt mean you have to be twins.....it makes your relationship better when you each can share your personal interests with each other and the partner is truly interested in what you each are saying.
Its like deer camp....I have absolutely no interest in going hunting all week with the boys...but I am glad my honey gets the opportunity to spend that time enjoying his interests.
Maybe she knows how much detecting means to you ,so of course she doesnt mind when you go alone.Because she knows how much happier it makes you,so that makes her happy too.

Just make sure that you compensate her by asking her about her hobbies or interests and even if you arent interested....act like you are. Because you love her and she loves you.

 

[WV Hillbilly]

I don't understand people who think that marriage is a 24 / 7 / 365 joined at the hip proposition .
Men & women are different creatures & that's as it should be . My wife enjoys metal detecting with me
but I like to go more often than she does . That's perfectly alright with her as she'll go shopping with a
friend or whatever if she doesn't want to go detecting on a day that I do . She has hobbies & interests
that I am not interested in at all & the same goes for me . When we first met & started to become seriously
interested in each other , one of the first things we agreed on was that we were both adults & didn't need
someone else telling us what we could or couldn't do & that we would accept each other as we were &
one wouldn't try to mould the other into something we liked better .
I can't imagine anything more miserable than trying to live with someone who constantly nagged &
complained because I wanted to do something that they didn't want to do & couldn't entertain theirself
with something they wanted to do while I did my thing . I just can't stand being smothered by anyone .
All that being said we have many things in common & spend lots of time together doing things both
of us enjoy . I have joked about this before but I don't think planting nice objects for her to find would
really be a good idea because more often than not those items are not found & she would quickly lose
interest if she doesn't enjoy detecting just for the fun of it . It's hard to try to put yourself in someone else's
shoes but I think if it was me I would suggest to her to spend the day with a friend or pursuing some
hobby or interest of hers for the day . If she's one of those people that gives you the ultimatum , spend
every free minute with me or else , God help you .

 

[midnightmoon]

http://forum.treasurenet.com/index.php/topic,130440.msg929359.html#msg929359

Click on the above and show your wife. Iskuli is awesome. Maybe seeing another woman enjoying her treasure will give your wife a new perspective.

 

[certified male]

good tips. i've told her about the movies and we've been on 2 cruises. we talked tonight and she's coming around..... it won't be long now

 

[ohiotech]

My wife thought that I was obsessed with a hobby that I didn't even have any equipment to enjoy the actual hobby. Yet 4 months after expressing my desire to get into the hobby, she got me a subscription to LT. That said, and still not having a machine, my obsession grew. I finally got my machine a couple of months ago. What did I do to [even if only temporary] win her over? I waved my detector over her chest and told her that "I found a heart of gold!"

Now, after months and months of razzing me about my obsession, she was speechless. She turned red and smiled and just stood there without a word to say.

I am planning on salting an area this Spring with a box that contains a bottle of wine and a map. The map will lead us on a predetermined adventure for the day. I'll get to express my appreciation for her understanding my obsession, and she gets an afternoon of me being a dork.

Something else you could do is bury your own time capsule. Make an afternoon of it... flowers, wine, etc. Then take some of the flowers, some poetry or a card you give to her on this day, and bury it. Wrap it up with some corny love notes to each other... and bury them.

My first adventure with my wife was in Puerto Rico where we got married and honeymooned. We buried a personal treasure that included the flowers from her hair, personal messages written by us, my boutonniere, and some other things. We made a map of that area, and we intend on going back some day. We also intend on burying a treasure whenever we take trips back to the island or even other places around the country and add those locations to our maps. We'll either go finding them when we're old and gray (or grayer in my case), or someone else will find them up and go Awwwww.

Give her an awwww factor, and though the thought of jewelry is fantastic, all she's probably wanting to know is that you're not using your outings as a specific way to get away from her. It also lets her know that you're thinking about her, even when you're detecting. Find some small way to include her, and she might even join you again in a few of your trips... even if it is to read books.

I'd say it was my 2 cents, but I dropped one of those cents and I think one of you guys picked it up.

Ohiotech

 

[Farmercal]

The only time my wife (30 years 1st of March this year), goes detecting with me is when I go on an organized hunt out of town and she doesn't attend all of them. She decided this week that she would like to go to the Daytona Beach hunt with me this April. Not to hunt but to see Datona Beach and check out the town during non-hunt time.

I detect alone and as a favor to me she shops for clothes alone. I detest shopping with a passion and she knows it. So, most of the time she does that task alone and lets me enjoy what I like to do alone. It is a win win proposition. Does I mean I love her less? Not at all, in fact , by not dragging her with me and boring her to death keeps us together.

 

[aa battery]

I dont see a problem it would be boring if my wife liked everything i do. From time to time she will MD with me and enjoys it. After 32 years of marriage and 16 years of MDing she will read in the car or walk around. Dont force her she will come around ...aa

 

[MD Dog]

Watch this short video and I think you'll understand when I say "nothing box"

Embedded media from this media site is no longer available

 

[certified male]

OHIO TECH LOVE WAVING THE COIL OVER THE HEART. THANKS , I'M GOING TO DO THAT!

MD DOG... GREAT VIDEO! I'M GOING TO SHOW HER THAT ONE TONIGHT. SHE LOVES TO LAUGH.. I'LL BE THINKING OF THAT ALL DAY.

 

[gold fish]

Ok, This is my plan to get my wife out digging holes with me this year..........

1st, hit her with a blunt clubbing instrument*(axe handle, canoe paddle, shovel,etc..).

2nd, drag her out in the woods

3rd, put a really nice coin(a good expensive one) in her hand.

Then you just wake her up !! All you have to do is tell her about her "amazing find", and how, when you told her the value, she just passed right out. After that she should be as addicted as the rest of us.

*Chloroform may work for this step, too, depends on your mood.

 

[MD Dog]

Good plan Goldfish, cept switch the coin for some jewelery.