Chug And Red
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- #1
Thread Owner
>> Subject: POWER OUTAGE DURING A MAMMOGRAM
>>
>> I actually kept my mammogram appointment. I was met with, "Hi!
>> I'm Belinda!" This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear,
>> tilted her head to one side and crooned, "All I need you to do is step
>> into this room right hereee, strip to the waist, thennnn slip on this
>> gown. Everything clearrrr?"
>>
>> I'm thinking, "Belinda . try decaf. This ain't rocket science."
>>
>> Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.
>>
>> Call me crazy, but I suspect a man invented this machine. It
>> takes a perfectly healthy cup size of 36-B to a size 38-LONG in less
>> than 60 seconds. Also, girls aren't made of sugar and spice and
>> everything nice....it's Spandex. We can be stretched, pulled and twisted
>> over a cold 4-inch piece of square glass and still pop back into shape.
>>
>> With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to
>> the left and said, "Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean
>> in a tad so we can get everything?"
>>
>> Fine, I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so
>> why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me
>> off?
>>
>> My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my
>> other boob wedged between those two 4" pieces of square glass) when we
>> heard, then felt a zap! Complete darkness and the power went
>> off!
>> "What?" I yelled.
>>
>> "Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag." Belinda
>> headed for the door.
>>
>> "Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone, are you?"
>> I shouted.
>>
>> Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy ... the door's
>> wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be righttttt
>> backkkk."
>>
>> Before I could shout "NOOOO!" she disappeared. And that's
>> exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me, half-naked and part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other part
>> smashed between glass! After exchanging polite "Hi, how's it
>> going" type greetings, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter
>> disbelief, if I knew the power was off.
>>
>> Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness
>> as possible. "Uh, yes, yes I did thanks."
>>
>> "You bet, take care" Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though
>> I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store.
>>
>> Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin and
>> making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said. "Oh I am
>> soooo sorry!>> The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly
>> me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?"
>>
>> And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between
>> the clamps........
Red
>>
>> I actually kept my mammogram appointment. I was met with, "Hi!
>> I'm Belinda!" This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear,
>> tilted her head to one side and crooned, "All I need you to do is step
>> into this room right hereee, strip to the waist, thennnn slip on this
>> gown. Everything clearrrr?"
>>
>> I'm thinking, "Belinda . try decaf. This ain't rocket science."
>>
>> Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.
>>
>> Call me crazy, but I suspect a man invented this machine. It
>> takes a perfectly healthy cup size of 36-B to a size 38-LONG in less
>> than 60 seconds. Also, girls aren't made of sugar and spice and
>> everything nice....it's Spandex. We can be stretched, pulled and twisted
>> over a cold 4-inch piece of square glass and still pop back into shape.
>>
>> With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to
>> the left and said, "Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean
>> in a tad so we can get everything?"
>>
>> Fine, I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so
>> why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me
>> off?
>>
>> My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my
>> other boob wedged between those two 4" pieces of square glass) when we
>> heard, then felt a zap! Complete darkness and the power went
>> off!
>> "What?" I yelled.
>>
>> "Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag." Belinda
>> headed for the door.
>>
>> "Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone, are you?"
>> I shouted.
>>
>> Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy ... the door's
>> wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be righttttt
>> backkkk."
>>
>> Before I could shout "NOOOO!" she disappeared. And that's
>> exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me, half-naked and part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other part
>> smashed between glass! After exchanging polite "Hi, how's it
>> going" type greetings, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter
>> disbelief, if I knew the power was off.
>>
>> Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness
>> as possible. "Uh, yes, yes I did thanks."
>>
>> "You bet, take care" Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though
>> I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store.
>>
>> Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin and
>> making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said. "Oh I am
>> soooo sorry!>> The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly
>> me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?"
>>
>> And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between
>> the clamps........
Red
Of coarse, if I give her any flack this might happen, 
