Let me tell you a little story about a first-hand experience with a squirrel. Some years back I was driving through town and noticed a squirrel lying on the side of the road. As I was driving by, I noticed that it had moved and was still alive. I didn't want it to suffer so I pulled over and walked back to it thinking I had to, somehow, put it out of it's misery. It wasn't bleeding externally and no blood was coming from it's nose or mouth so I thought, what the heck, I'll take it home, put it in a box, and see if he makes it. I picked him up, put him on the floorboard of the car and drove him home. After I got home I put him on an old towel in the bottom of a clothes hamper that had a closing lid and put the hamper in the bathroom. Even put a little dish of water in there for him in case he woke up. Shortly afterwards I went in to take a shower and, before showering, I peeked in the hamper and was amazed; his eyes were open and he was looking around. Wow, a miracle! I closed the lid and jumped into the shower thinking about what a nice thing I had done for this poor squirrel. Got out of the shower, put on my tighty-whities and open robe. (Settle down ladies) Then I decided to take another peek in the hamper. That squirrel came out of there like a rocket! He bounced off my chest, onto the sink, the shower curtain, back off my shoulder and continued like a superball until I managed to escape and shut the door. My wife heard all the commotion and was hollering "What's wrong?". When I told her what had happened she started laughing so hard I didn't think she was going to stop. She said I was screaming like a woman; sounded like the shower scene from the psyco movie. Hey, it was scary! Ever hear that "Mississippi Squirrel" song? That's what it was like in there. Anyway, I got dressed, got the fish net, caught the sucker and took him back to his hood and let him go. Good riddance!! My wife told the whole world that story. Tell you what though, I have a ant/douche bag story about her that's a lot funnier than the squirrel thing.
