Thank you, and good bye for a while

[KangaWoo]

Hi guys,
I havn't mentioned this to anyone except a few family and friends.

But im scared!!! I am going to be locked away tomorrow.

I got involved with an evil woman, i had three beautiful kids with her, a great several years with her, until she met someone on facebook.

She took off with my kids, and took out a restraining order. The order was complete bs! And through complete desperation for my children, i have now been charged for breaching the order.

I never did anything violent, but have been found on multiple charges of breaches, consisting of trying to find my kids and telling them i love them.

This is so hard, and so unfair, women in this country can say anything, and fathers are shut off, and given no rights.

I am scared for my kids, and im scared of jail. I have lost everything.

Please know im not a bad person, i am only guilty of loving my kids like any good father.

This has been going on for a year and a half, i have not seen or spoken with my kids for most of that time.

I want to thank you guys, although i hardly know anyone here. Posting, reading, metal detecting, and treasure hunting has given me the only relief, and sanity i have had. So thank you.

And please prey for me!!

Hopefully i will be back in the not too distant future.

 

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[kcm]

KW, sorry to hear this news!! Yes, some people can be real pieces of work! Hope all goes well on your end.

How long do they say you'll have to stay?

 

[releventchair]

An attorney when you received your restraining order might have been a good idea.

It has been automatically recommended by attorneys in both my divorces , against me of course. Lucky for me neither plaintiff hit themselves in the head with a brick and then pointed at me.

Visitation ,often support/$$, and or joint custody need hashed out through legal means,as you now know.
So too ,lifting a restraining order.

Plan ahead. Know the legal moves before pursuing your kids. The right attorney experienced in such matters can be a big help and might be your best voice in the legal system. Knowledge of the law, similar cases, the judicial system ect. That helped me.

You have been on a path others have been on. Learn from their losses and gains through an attorney. from the legal,not personal end. What works in court and how often and why...

Make your own luck. Plan ahead for the other aspects of your life too.
Consider what stability the court( s) would desire in a parent , while realising that without a solid reason kids stay with their mother.
Still ,your image is real when looked into is real. Keep it favorable despite violating a restraining order... you might want to be in a position able to handle the kids.

Don' berate your kids mother in court. That is your attorneys job, when and if. You might need a civil relationship with her only for the kids sake. Not easy but you are you,not her.

If life ain' t fair. At least defend yourself ,legally.

 

[KangaWoo]

My Lawyer thinks i will get 1 to 2 years. I breached once early on, for sending a letter to my ex's parents house. That gave me a good behaviour bond for a year, but out of complete desperation for my kids (at Xmas), i was again breached, and done my good behavior.

Its crazy! Between her, and family court i have lost everything.
I was stupid, and should have let the family law court sought it out, but when all you can think about is the parental alienation, its xmas, and your alone, and each day it drags on, you feel the bond slipping away, i became completly desperate just to let my kids know i haven't abandoned them.

Its a long time one plus years, when you see what some people get for actual violent crimes or worse.

I used to smoke pot, so she made out i was a drug head, with drinking problems. I have not drank for over twenty years, but i started recieving referals for my substance abuse? (She was ringing the cops saying she was scared and i had drinking problems)
They say i have commited family violence in the way of emotional blackmail, becuase (before she took the order, but after i found an empty house and my kids gone) i called her and after hearing that she was going, i started crying and i said "how can you do this to our kids?"
Apparently that comment is worthy of emotional blackmail, and considered a form of family violence?

I have undertaken numerous tests to show i dont have drugs in my system, the kids have said to the independant childrens lawyer, that they miss their dad etc...
But all she has to say, is she feels anxious if she hears my name.

They take into account the mental wellbeing of the mother, before they consider the kids in this stupid state in Australia. And they dont give two sh#$s about the fathers wellbeing.

 

[kcm]

Dang, that really sucks! I've never had kids, never been divorced and never been in jail, so I have NO IDEA what you feel, or really anything else to say. Just, take care my friend. We'll be here next time you're able to come lurking around.

It sounds like the one and only piece of advice I can offer is, try your best to keep your temper contained at all times - even when you think nobody is looking. ...Don't even know how that might be possible, but unknown eyes and ears can appear at the most inopportune times.

 

[releventchair]

Well, you now have time to plan your future.
Emotion unchecked ( and don't I know how that goes) put you where you are.

When you are starting over again ,knowing what you want and getting the assets and character the courts want to see is not easy.
That is all on you. Of course it is hard ,but is it worth it?

The situation with your kids can change on a dime in a few years. Be prepared to deal with it. Again ,what do the courts want to see?

Be careful what you share with others about your emotions. And be careful of their advice. Mine too....
The law is the law. Study it to your advantage and be careful what you wish for.

The system favors mothers. Don't let that show in your attitude or voice. It does not change anything.
Proven fact of an unfit mother is different. But the father still has to be in a position to provide good proper care for the kids,and be of good character. Be ready for that. And you only will be if you make it happen.
Can you? Yes ,but only if YOU make it so. Starting now. Plan your work ,work your plan. Legally.

 

[KangaWoo]

I admit i have made wrong decisions, i hired a bad lawyer first who made matters worse, and didnt work with me or attempted to get information accross. The new lawyer shook her head when she saw what my first lawyer did. I have been up and down emotionally and mentally.

The last few months i have found Buddhism, and Shinrin-yoku (forrest bathing) this has given me strength and will, albeit a bit late.

Im unsure what its like for you guys abroad, but the system is wrong in Australia, there are so many men here who have been destroyed by the system. Its no wonder you see a lot of guys loose the plot over here and kill themselves, or themselves and the ex.

I would never hurt anyone, and i do still have love for this person, which only hurts more, but for the kids sake i would not and dont want bad on her. I hired a mediator originaly, as i didnt want a legal battle. All this money could have gone to our kids.

 

[kcm]

I hired a mediator originaly, as i didnt want a legal battle. All this money could have gone to our kids.
Smart thinking, but maybe not the wisest choice considering the fangs your wife grew.

 

[KangaWoo]

Thanks guys for the advice, and so so for the time to listen. I have kept all this to myself since it started, so was good in a way to let out some thoughts and fears.