Think before you speak! LOL

[Chug And Red]

Well shut my mouth!




Think before you speak...



Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak -
the last one is great!
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could
immediately take the words back...
or that you could crawl into a hole?
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....


FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow
and asked loudly,
"How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
I turned around and walked back out and never went back
My husband didn't say a word...
he knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes,
I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.
He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with mens balls"

THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and
passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case,
the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."
My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away To this day,
my sister has never let me forget.


FOURTH TESTIMONY :
While in l ine at the bank one afternoon,
my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok.
I was finally able to grab hold of
her after receiving looks of disgust
and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving
"right now" she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening ,
"If you don't let me go right now,
I will tell Grandma that I saw you
kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and
walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.


FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever ! asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands
It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco,
I smelled something funny,
so of course I checked
my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
The realized that Danny
had not asked to go potty in a while.
I asked him if he needed to go,
and he said "No".
I kept thinking
"Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me."
Then I said,
"Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
"No," he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny did you have an accident ? This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
bent over, spread his cheeks
and yelled
"SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
An old couple made me feel better,
thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!


Red

 

[aa battery]

sounds normal to me

 

[stefen]

Gee! What a dull life you lead!

To me, that would round out a typical morning

 

[FCCDFEd]

This needs to come with a warning, I almost peed my pants on that last one.

 

[Chug And Red]

I have 3 sons, I saw them all in this one, now they are old enough to have their own, I'm just waiting! Red

 

[Glenns5900]

Another testimonial....

Went to the store for the wife to pick up some feminine hygene products (Kotex).
You know as a man you have to do it descretely so no one notices.
While I was there I picked up some other stuff that was needed.
When I got to the register I realized that I had totally forgotten the Kotex.

I told the clerk and she said "No problem, I'll get the stock boy to get them for you."
Without hesitation she then got on the stores PA system and announced that she needed a box of Kotex brought to register 4.
If that isn't enough to make you cringe as everyone looks and sees you standing there at register 4.....

The stock clerk apparently heard the request incorrectly and thought she had said THUMB TACKS. Since they had two different versions of thumb tacks he got on the PA system to ask "Do you want the kind you push in with your finger, or the ones that you pound in with a hammer"?

 

[stefen]

Yellow shoelaces are quite the rage...especially after that testimony

 

[GunFarce]

Another testimonial....

Went to the store for the wife to pick up some feminine hygene products (Kotex).
You know as a man you have to do it descretely so no one notices.

Awkward eh! Now that they have 'wings' you never know where to find them..

 

[stefen]

Another testimonial....

Went to the store for the wife to pick up some feminine hygene products (Kotex).
You know as a man you have to do it discretely so no one notices.

Awkward eh! Now that they have 'wings' you never know where to find them..

You can descetely purchase a Do-It-Yourself kit...just buy some cotton ball an a ball of twine and tell her where...that's when the fight started....

 

[Chug And Red]

Thank goodness Chug doesn't have to worry about that!!! Red