How to Get Permission (From the Wife)

[pjroo33]

OK... I see all these posts on how you should approach getting permission from landowners. I have a roadblock even before the landowners. It's my wife. Does anybody else have this problem? How do you go about getting permission from your wives?

I guess she just doesn't understand why I would want to go out and dig holes every weekend. She thinks it's a strange hobby. It takes too much time out of a day. She's even said she would prefer I went golfing (It doesn't take as long). We all know that a good day out MD'ing takes at leat 5 or 6 hours.

My thought is other than recharging my batteries and driving to my location, the hobby is free. (Once you have your machine)

All I want is for her to accept my hobby and understand why I love it so much. It's all about the history for me. Holding something in my hand that nobody has touched for so many years.

I'm not wanting to go metal detecting every day of the week. I would be perfectly "content" with 1 half-day every weekend or even 1 day every other weekend. Does anyone here think that is asking too much? We just had our first child 5 weeks ago, so things have been busier. She has been fantastic with the baby and I appreciate all her hard work.

I love spending time with her and I don't want to make her mad, but I do want to continue enjoying my hobby.

Who out there knows where I am coming from?

 

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[sniffer]

My wife had problems with it at first too. She was worried that something else was going on, her feelings were, if she didn't like it how could anyone else. so I had to be doing something else, right ?
anyway, she came around when I started bringing things home. I explained to her that I love her with all my heart, but, I still have to have time to do some of the things I like. I mean after all, we can' be attached at the hip.
try taking her out to a site where you know something good is waiting to be found, or seed a site and let her find something, maybe that'll help
whatever you do good luck

Sniffer

 

[cntrydncr1]

Well Aaron you know that I'm old enough to be your mom...almost. Anyway I learned a long time ago that if anyone feels stifled in their marriage...it will be hard to stay happily married! I'm lucky that my hubby just says..go have fun...or goes with me on occasion. Everyone needs outside interests so make sure your wife has time to do her stuff too!! The only thing I worry about is that I detect with alot of guys and I think their wives will worry...well I hope they don't!!! As I said...I'm old as dirt!

I think that is one reason I like having a club also...legitimizes the hunts..."honey, the club is meeting today at....".

 

[cam9457]

Aaron I think you should buy a cheap gold ring with a very real looking fake diamond in it at a pawn shop or somewhere and the next time we go out we'll cake it in dirt and tell her you found it! Seems to have worked for me,ever since I found that little ring I showed you last weekend that probably isn't even real, my wife has given me a lot less grief about going out and even pointed out a few spots I should try "because somebody may have loost a ring there". But another thing thats been working for me is just good old fasion comprimise. I tell her the day before I would like to go out that I would like to go out tomorrow, what kind of chores can I do to "earn" going out tomorrow? And you know how blunt my wife is. She views my mding as "my time" and selfish. I was thinking about it and she really didn't have any hobby or "her time" away from the kids where she could do whatever she wants so I asked her what she would like to do to create a "her time"? We wound up getting her a membership a the YMCA so she could go work out. That's what she wanted. It gives her at least a few kid and husband free hours a week and evens out the "me" time thing. I watch the kids while she goes over there for an hour or so and it's made a world of difference! hope that helps, I'll have Michelle read your post and give her blunt answer in a little bit. Good luck, it will get easier

 

[utah hunter]

My formula has always been "equal time and equal money". Whether it is golf, md'ing, or any other hobby. If I give her the same amount of time away while watching the kids, and she gets to spend the same amount of money I do, she has always been happy. Of course when she is gone I keep the house clean and work on my "honey do" list. Going early in the morning so you are only gone for 3 hours when she is awake may be another good alternative, especially if your baby has good sleeping patterns. Now I take some of our 5 kids with me, so she is just happy to have them, and me, out of her hair for a while . Right now with a new baby she is going to feel somewhat stuck to the house. It is hard to get ready to go anywhere with a baby that young. Please respect her feelings, your marriage will be much better for it. In my opinion, the key to any successful marriage is CARING ABOUT THE OTHER SPOUSE MORE THAN YOU CARE ABOUT YOURSELF. Any 2 people who will commit to do this and work toward it can have an extremely successful marriage.

 

[pjroo33]

Well Aaron you know that I'm old enough to be your mom...almost. Anyway I learned a long time ago that if anyone feels stifled in their marriage...it will be hard to stay happily married! I'm lucky that my hubby just says..go have fun...or goes with me on occasion. Everyone needs outside interests so make sure your wife has time to do her stuff too!! The only thing I worry about is that I detect with alot of guys and I think their wives will worry...well I hope they don't!!! As I said...I'm old as dirt!

I think that is one reason I like having a club also...legitimizes the hunts..."honey, the club is meeting today at....".

I have to say I am very happily married. That is not in question. I love my wife very much. I just hope the day comes where she will say. You know what, you should go metal detecting this weekend. Right now she just feels that every weekend is too much.

 

[pjroo33]

Aaron I think you should buy a cheap gold ring with a very real looking fake diamond in it at a pawn shop or somewhere and the next time we go out we'll cake it in dirt and tell her you found it! Seems to have worked for me,ever since I found that little ring I showed you last weekend that probably isn't even real, my wife has given me a lot less grief about going out and even pointed out a few spots I should try "because somebody may have loost a ring there". But another thing thats been working for me is just good old fasion comprimise. I tell her the day before I would like to go out that I would like to go out tomorrow, what kind of chores can I do to "earn" going out tomorrow? And you know how blunt my wife is. She views my mding as "my time" and selfish. I was thinking about it and she really didn't have any hobby or "her time" away from the kids where she could do whatever she wants so I asked her what she would like to do to create a "her time"? We wound up getting her a membership a the YMCA so she could go work out. That's what she wanted. It gives her at least a few kid and husband free hours a week and evens out the "me" time thing. I watch the kids while she goes over there for an hour or so and it's made a world of difference! hope that helps, I'll have Michelle read your post and give her blunt answer in a little bit. Good luck, it will get easier

I like the idea of buying a ring and caking it with dirt while were out. "Her time" sounds like a good idea too. I guess time will tell.

 

[pjroo33]

My formula has always been "equal time and equal money". Whether it is golf, md'ing, or any other hobby. If I give her the same amount of time away while watching the kids, and she gets to spend the same amount of money I do, she has always been happy. Of course when she is gone I keep the house clean and work on my "honey do" list. Going early in the morning so you are only gone for 3 hours when she is awake may be another good alternative, especially if your baby has good sleeping patterns. Now I take some of our 5 kids with me, so she is just happy to have them, and me, out of her hair for a while . Right now with a new baby she is going to feel somewhat stuck to the house. It is hard to get ready to go anywhere with a baby that young. Please respect her feelings, your marriage will be much better for it. In my opinion, the key to any successful marriage is CARING ABOUT THE OTHER SPOUSE MORE THAN YOU CARE ABOUT YOURSELF. Any 2 people who will commit to do this and work toward it can have an extremely successful marriage.

You are exactly right. She does feel stuck at home right now. It is tough being couped up in the house all day I'm sure. She actually looks forward to going back to work believe it or not. I'm not sure those words would ever come out of my mouth. I've been trying to go out as early as possible so that I am not gone too long during her waking hours. The baby seems to be developing better sleep patterns now too. Slept 6 hours last night. Not too bad.

I think if I give her time outside of the house while I watch the baby, she will be more open to me leaving for a while.

 

[sniffer]

maybe you should break up your hunting times. If I did it every weekend my wife would be upset too.
I try to get away during the week too

 

[cam9457]

(From Michelle, my wife)
Top 10 ways to not get grief from wife for medal detecting:

1. Say, what household things do you want done before I go. Say I'll do A, B, C, before I go even if its stuff you normally do

2. Offer to go shopping, walk, or to park with baby/kids before or after MD. Or if she seems overwhelmed do it w/o asking extra points

3. Let wife sleep in, this doesn't count if baby is with us or sleeping. Let her feed baby then take baby and hang out, bring back to mom when hungry. Drives us crazy you can get up early 4 MD but not for us.

4. Take shoes off before coming in do not tread historic dirt through house

5. DO NOT LEAVE FINDS IN RANDOM PLACES THROUGHOUT HOUSE throw away stuff thats so rusty you'll never get clean

6. Basically , hide all evidence of hobby & cleaning will irritate the hell out of us I personally rather find porn, it has less chemicals & dont have 2 worry about kids/lead

7. Offer 2 take us with you we dont want 2 go but will feel like u want to spend time w/ us=points

8. Sell some of your finds makes hobby seem productive, why i like ring find= if we get in the poor house will sell easily

9. When you are out call us before we call you by the time we call you we are fed up & ready to nag call 1st catches us off guard diffuses mounting resentment ask if they want you to pickup anything on the way home

10. Come back with something 4 us from Wawa or other store can be gum or a drink makes us feel loved and you thought about us covers for lateness
Never underestimate the value u of an UNASKED 4 back/foot rub. You are all weird to me and so is your hobby, but we most likely had an idea about your weirdness before marriage. Women want 2 see that a hobby is bringing some benefits 2 relationship. Even an I missed you & or/baby while out will get you far{lie its what we want 2 hear}

 

[cam9457]

Told you she was blunt/brutal! but hopefully helpful

 

[pjroo33]

(From Michelle, my wife)
Top 10 ways to not get grief from wife for medal detecting:

1. Say, what household things do you want done before I go. Say I'll do A, B, C, before I go even if its stuff you normally do

2. Offer to go shopping, walk, or to park with baby/kids before or after MD. Or if she seems overwhelmed do it w/o asking extra points

3. Let wife sleep in, this doesn't count if baby is with us or sleeping. Let her feed baby then take baby and hang out, bring back to mom when hungry. Drives us crazy you can get up early 4 MD but not for us.

4. Take shoes off before coming in do not tread historic dirt through house

5. DO NOT LEAVE FINDS IN RANDOM PLACES THROUGHOUT HOUSE throw away stuff thats so rusty you'll never get clean

6. Basically , hide all evidence of hobby & cleaning will irritate the hell out of us I personally rather find porn, it has less chemicals & dont have 2 worry about kids/lead

7. Offer 2 take us with you we dont want 2 go but will feel like u want to spend time w/ us=points

8. Sell some of your finds makes hobby seem productive, why i like ring find= if we get in the poor house will sell easily

9. When you are out call us before we call you by the time we call you we are fed up & ready to nag call 1st catches us off guard diffuses mounting resentment ask if they want you to pickup anything on the way home

10. Come back with something 4 us from Wawa or other store can be gum or a drink makes us feel loved and you thought about us covers for lateness
Never underestimate the value u of an UNASKED 4 back/foot rub. You are all weird to me and so is your hobby, but we most likely had an idea about your weirdness before marriage. Women want 2 see that a hobby is bringing some benefits 2 relationship. Even an I missed you & or/baby while out will get you far{lie its what we want 2 hear}

Wow... Very detailed description.
Here is my take.

#1 I can do that. Seems like a nice compromise

#2 I feel like I've already been doing this one

#3 I will implement this tactic this weekend

#4 Whoops

#5 Already caught hell for this one.

#6 Will hide all evidence... No dirty movies allowed in our house (Wife's rule)

#7 She wouldn't go if I paid her

#8 Have to find something worth selling first

#9 Great idea. I should call her first. By the time she calls me... somethings up

#10 I can bring something home but it has to be cheap. We're living on my salary now. A free back or foot massage is a nice idea too. I just hope she doesn't think it's a "get out and play free card" I need to do it when I'm not wanting anything.

Thanks for the advice!

 

[cntrydncr1]

great stuff here Aaron!!! I love the ring idea! And Ryan I love your wifes attitude. I guess if I was the wife putting up with all of my finds all over the place I might get upset too. But since I clean it up myself...I dont have to be so fussy!

 

[La Beep]

I guess I am Blessed, cause my wife don't have any problems with what ever I do. I had a little grief about 10 years back and I told her I was doing these things before I met you and I still am going to do them. She goes with me sometimes and other time she does what she wants. Note: no kids. But she does draw the line with animal heads or fish on the wall, guess I will have to live with that, just can't seem to get her to understand.

 

[Ricardo_NY1]

One day every other week is not too much to ask for in my opinion. In my time, I've had issues in relationships over my hobbies. I can actually attribute my time into my hobbies as a contributor to a failed first marriage. But I firmly believe that I need my time to do things, and if it can't be accepted, well..........I can accept that. I say as long as it is balanced, things should be ok. I can see an issue if it becomes an everyday or every other day thing that even makes you neglect your responsiblities. But if that is not the case, then there should be no problem. In the end, you have to choose how you want to live your life.

 

[Ant]

Hey men, most women are like that. You know, men are from Mars and women are from Venus. We think different, heck, we have a lot of testosterone running in our veins. We like to get out roam. And after they have a child they tend to become home bodies and make sure that the nest is in order, as it should be. But you both will still need free time.

Sometimes they are insecure and they want to run things, they also like to be in control when it comes to their man (some female acting men like to control women like that too). Anyway, you might need to stand up and tell her what you need to be happy, don’t let her control your whole life. You have to be a man and set a rule or two as she does as a woman, and then you two can work out the conflicting points. With a new baby in the house it’s not going to be easy to do that. One day out of the weekend isn’t too much to ask for, but she still might not agree and leave you. So make your choices wisely.

 

[cam9457]

I love the part where she calls us all wierdos LOL!

 

[txkickergirl]

Michelle hit it on the head!
Of course with my husband its deer hunting, of course I enjoy deer hunting too on occassion I just don't live and breath it. I joke with people and tell them that I an a hunting widow when deer season rolls around cause 1 day before hunting up until 1 day after season he is gone.
Now that I metal detect it evens out things a bit. He still complains from time to time but I just remind him how I no longer nag during deer season.

Bringing her a little something back like a drink, gum, or candy, really goes a long ways it shows you were thinking about her and that you took the time to pick her up something. BIG BROWNIE POINTS!
Also praise her in front of friends and family, say how lucky you are to have such a wonderful wife who understands that you need to get away and unwind from work and that you know she thinks your crazy for wanting to dig in the dirt, but that she loves you anyway.

 

[cammobunker]

Take up a really repellent hobby, like taxidermy.
When she complains about the smell, the bones laying around the house, the hides in the freezer and the glass eyes staring at her from the jar on the kitchen shelf, ignore it. Offer to cook hamburgers, then when she's got a big bite say "say, anybody ever tell you how nutritious possum is?" Top it off by telling her the national taxidermists convention is going to be in your city next month and that you have volunteered to save some of 'the boys' a few dollars and will need her help to set up cots in the garage and that she should be understanding if some of the boys are a little rough around the edges-after all, most of them are single.

About this time, when she's reduced to tearfully demanding a divorce, ask if you could maybe substitute MDing instead of taxidermy as a pastime.

She'll BEG you to go back to coil swinging!

I guarantee this will work or your money back. If it doesn't work, don't call, I don't have a couch you can sleep on.....

 

[stefen]

OK... I see all these posts on how you should approach getting permission from landowners. I have a roadblock even before the landowners. It's my wife. Does anybody else have this problem? How do you go about getting permission from your wives?

I guess she just doesn't understand why I would want to go out and dig holes every weekend. She thinks it's a strange hobby. It takes too much time out of a day. She's even said she would prefer I went golfing (It doesn't take as long). We all know that a good day out MD'ing takes at leat 5 or 6 hours.

My thought is other than recharging my batteries and driving to my location, the hobby is free. (Once you have your machine)

All I want is for her to accept my hobby and understand why I love it so much. It's all about the history for me. Holding something in my hand that nobody has touched for so many years.

I'm not wanting to go metal detecting every day of the week. I would be perfectly "content" with 1 half-day every weekend or even 1 day every other weekend. Does anyone here think that is asking too much? We just had our first child 5 weeks ago, so things have been busier. She has been fantastic with the baby and I appreciate all her hard work.

I love spending time with her and I don't want to make her mad, but I do want to continue enjoying my hobby.

Who out there knows where I am coming from?

I already see your problem, its plain as day.

OK... I see all these posts on how you should approach getting permission from landowners. I have a roadblock even before the landowners. It's my wife. Does anybody else have this problem? How do you go about getting permission from your wives? MOST PEOPLE HAVE 1 WIFE, NOT MULTIPLES.

I guess she just doesn't understand why I would want to go out and dig holes every weekend. She thinks it's a strange hobby. It takes too much time out of a day. She's even said she would prefer I went golfing (It doesn't take as long). We all know that a good day out MD'ing takes at leat 5 or 6 hours.

My thought is other than recharging my batteries and driving to my location, the hobby is free. (Once you have your machine) MAYBE SHE WANTS TO USE THE BATTERIES FOR SOMETHING ELSE. HMMMMMMMMMMMMM

All I want is for her to accept my hobby and understand why I love it so much. It's all about the history for me. Holding something in my hand that nobody has touched for so many years.
THIS COULD ALSO BE A PART OF THE PROBLEM

I'm not wanting to go metal detecting every day of the week. I would be perfectly "content" with 1 half-day every weekend or even 1 day every other weekend. Does anyone here think that is asking too much? We just had our first child 5 weeks ago, so things have been busier. She has been fantastic with the baby and I appreciate all her hard work. YOU PLANTED THE SEED SO NOW SHE NEEDS YOUR HELP
I love spending time with her and I don't want to make her mad, but I do want to continue enjoying my hobby. CONTROL ISSUES NEED TO BE RESOLVED

Who out there knows where I am coming from? NOBODY ELSE OUT HERE HAS YOUR PROBLEM, WE ALL LEAD PERFECT LIVES