A few one liners

hammered

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1.) Got an e-mail today from a bored local housewife, 43, who was looking for some hot action! So I sent her my ironing. That'll keep the lazy woman busy.

2.) I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind.

3.) After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex Bill woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman. That's when he realised he had made it home safely.

4.) Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on Friday this year". Mick said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th then."

5.) Since the snow came all the wife has done is look through the window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.

6.) Just had my water bill of £175 drop on my mat. That's a lot. Oxfam can supply a whole African village for just £2 a month: time to change supplier I think.
 
I have no idea what you're talking about, so here's a python caught in an electric fence.
 

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