How Do You Tell...

Michigan Badger · Jan 23, 2012

an elderly loved one it's time to stop driving?

Anybody else had this experience?

bigscoop · Jan 23, 2012

Oh man, been there! With my father it was really a battle, but in the end all it really came down to was his ability to still carry "a photo I.d." so he could tell people he could still drive, even though he knew that photo I.d. wasn't a valid license and that he really couldn't drive anymore. But in his mind, he was keeping his independence and integrity and that was what was really most important to him. He's not driven now for about two years and has no desire to. Mother isn't too far away herself and that, well, we call her the "little general" so I could end up bleeding before it's over with. :laughing9:

Good luck!

FarmerChick · Jan 23, 2012

wow that is a hard one. most would never like to give up driving. the independence is so important

but my hubbys Dad is undergoing chemo. he is 'kinda' out of it right now and the last time he did drive he was picking up a pizza --right down the road. he couldn't find it. in the end he saw the pizza place when he turned around going the wrong way...so he got the pizza :laughing9:

but of course everyone is wondering if he should not drive anymore. of course he is sick right now so driving isn't going to happen, but when he gets a bit better should he drive? we are all right there, right now with his Dad UGH

Michigan Badger · Jan 23, 2012

bigscoop said:
Oh man, been there! With my father it was really a battle, but in the end all it really came down to was his ability to still carry "a photo I.d." so he could tell people he could still drive, even though he knew that photo I.d. wasn't a valid license and that he really couldn't drive anymore. But in his mind, he was keeping his independence and integrity and that was what was really most important to him. He's not driven now for about two years and has no desire to. Mother isn't too far away herself and that, well, we call her the "little general" so I could end up bleeding before it's over with. Good luck!

Good post and thanks.

I think most married women are "little generals." I don't think I've ever met a married man who truly ran his household. I know a lot of men who think they do. :wink:

Michigan Badger · Jan 23, 2012

FarmerChick said:
wow that is a hard one. most would never like to give up driving. the independence is so important

but my hubbys Dad is undergoing chemo. he is 'kinda' out of it right now and the last time he did drive he was picking up a pizza --right down the road. he couldn't find it. in the end he saw the pizza place when he turned around going the wrong way...so he got the pizza but of course everyone is wondering if he should not drive anymore. of course he is sick right now so driving isn't going to happen, but when he gets a bit better should he drive? we are all right there, right now with his Dad UGH

I know what you mean about not knowing where he is. My widowed dad would drive off and suddenly not even know what state he was in.

The following happened near his home down in western, Michigan.

He left for town and I was still at his house. My wife became worried because he was gone so long. I drove into town and finally found him sitting at the steering wheel pulled over on some side street. He had this horrified look on his face. At first I wasn't sure he knew who I was. Then he came around and said he was okay. I drove slowly back home and he followed me. When I turned to go down to our road he kept on and didn't turn. I wheeled back around and took out after him again. By the time I caught up with him he was on his way back. I laid on the horn as he passed and he pulled over. Once again I said follow me. That time we made it. WHEW!

naturegirl · Jan 23, 2012

I've heard the talk of taking a test again after a certain age....so I've always asked myself will I be willing to have my independence tested? :dontknow:

My Grandmother willingly quit, she didn't feel sure enough of herself. My Mom is still driving to places she feels sure of, and I happen to be able to follow her once for very many miles, she did fine. I'm thinking she will do the same as her Mother, realize when it's time to quit. But you hear so many stories of someone waiting too long..........

.. this is a subject not on my mind all the time, but something I've considered. Maybe when it's on my mind alot, it will be time for her to quit driving...I just dunno..

FarmerChick · Jan 23, 2012

ewww that is a scary story MB

hubbys dad is also not remembering anything. he is in trouble for sure. about a month ago they drove to WV to see family. when they got home MIL was talking about barb and her husband....a bit later he asks, is barb married? yikes ya know. he just saw them.

scary scary for sure