One in Five Divorces Blamed on Facebook

[dieselram94]

Facebook is being cited in almost one in five of online divorce petitions, lawyers have claimed.People will post just about anything on social networking sites. And the information can be used against them. David Randall and Victoria Richards report.In the judicial backwater of a New Jersey federal court, a case is being heard that nominally affects two families but should also make millions of Britons think twice about something they do every day: put highly personal information on Facebook, MySpace or Bebo.The social networking site, which connects old friends and allows users to make new ones online, is being blamed for an increasing number of marital breakdowns.Divorce lawyers claim the explosion in the popularity of websites such as Facebook and Bebo is tempting to people to cheat on their partners. Suspicious spouses have also used the websites to find evidence of flirting and even affairs which have led to divorce.One law firm, which specialises in divorce, claimed almost one in five petitions they processed cited Facebook.Mark Keenan, Managing Director of Divorce-Online said: “I had heard from my staff that there were a lot of people saying they had found out things about their partners on Facebook and I decided to see how prevalent it was I was really surprised to see 20 per cent of all the petitions containing references to Facebook.“The most common reason seemed to be people having inappropriate sexual chats with people they were not supposed to.”An American insurance company, in defending its refusal to pay out a claim, is seeking to call in evidence personal online postings, including the contents of any MySpace or Facebook pages the litigants may have, to see if their eating disorders might have “emotional causes”. And the case is far from a lone one. Suddenly, those saucy pictures and intimate confessions on social networking sites can be taken down and used in evidence against you in ways never dreamed of.Flirty emails and messages found on Facebook pages are increasingly being cited as evidence of unreasonable behaviour. Computer firms have even cashed in by developing software allowing suspicious spouses to electronically spy on someone’s online activities.One 35-year-old woman even discovered her husband was divorcing her via Facebook. Conference organiser Emma Brady was distraught to read that her marriage was over when he updated his status on the site to read: “Neil Brady has ended his marriage to Emma Brady.”Last year a 28-year-old woman ended her marriage after discovering her husband had been having a virtual affair with someone in cyberspace he had never met. Amy Taylor 28, split from David Pollard after discovering he was sleeping with an escort in the game Second Life, a virtual world where people reinvent themselves.Around 14 million Britons are believed to regularly use social networking sites to communicate with old friends or make new ones. The popularity of the Friends Reunited website several years ago was also blamed for a surge in divorces as bored husbands and wives used it to contact old flames and first loves.The UK’s divorce rate has fallen in recent years, but two in five marriages are still failing according the latest statistics. Mr Keenan believes that the general divorce rate will rocket in 2010 with the recession taking the blame.In the US, a sex assault victim seeking compensation faces the prospect of her MySpace and Facebook pages being produced in court. In Texas, a driver whose car was involved in a fatal accident found his MySpace postings (“I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a drunkaholic”) part of the prosecution’s case.From Los Angeles to Lowestoft, thousands of social network site users have lost their jobs – or failed to clinch new ones – because of their pages’ contents. Police, colleges and schools are monitoring MySpace and Facebook pages for what they deem to be “inappropriate” content. Online security holes and users’ naivety are combining to cause privacy breaches and identity thefts. And what all this, and more, adds up to is this: online social networking can seriously damage your life.Sources: Telegraph, The Independent.

 

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[hvacker]

I've heard people that violate a trust (relationship, marriage ) on line have a really pathetic excuse. They have said because it wasn't real, it didn't really happen. Problem being, to the victim in the relationship it felt real. They felt violated.
I think a large part of someone having an online relationship is a true desire to cheat. Sneak behind their partners back. Actually seeking it out.
This stuff comes up on Dear Abby a lot. Ya, I read Dear Abby. I just don't read the answers.

 

[dieselram94]

Yup, I think you are right hvacker, even if it is just online it demonstrates a true desire to cheat. Unfortunately a lot of these relationships really do come to fruition......

 

[dieselram94]

Maybe Crispin has some thoughts?

 

[Crispin]

Maybe Crispin has some thoughts?

I agree with this article; however, let us all come down off our pedestal for a second. Everybody has the desire to cheat, and I mean everybody. Anybody who tells you that they have never had the desire or thoughts of wanting to cheat is lying to you. It is a part of our subconscious nature and driven by evolution. For men, the more seed the spread the more offspring they make, the more their genes are passed down. For woman, the more partners they have, they more they have being provided for them, the more provided yields to higher success of offspring. Now, this may not be true over the last couple hundred years or so, but it certainly was prior to that. The concept of polygamy and polyandry is practiced in over 90% of mammals. Humans are actually the exception. So...the desire to cheat is there in everybody...but we do not have to act on these urges.

This is what makes humans different from most other species, the ability to make a conscious decision based on morals, values, and ethics. We can rise above our basic animal instincts. Cheating usually results in short term gratification and long term suffering. Refusing the opportunity usually results in short term suffering and long term gratification. Those who choose not to cheat, when proposed with the opportunity, value the long term security of marriage, loyal family, etc... then they do a short term thrill.

So, people have been cheating since marriage was invented. Social media has provided a lot more access and outlets for people to cheat. I could get online and find the contact information for any one of my ex-GFs in a matter of minutes. This was not the case prior to the internet boom. Oddly, enough, they could do the same for me...and never have...I wonder what that says about me, lol. Anyway, I digress, internet cameras also provide immediate visual access when before there was none. Facebook is the largest social media network. I do not have a facebook account for obvious reasons. However, most people don't have the restrictions on their identity that I do. Human nature provides the desire, social media makes it a lot easier.

I hear daily accounts of people who cheat and why they decided to do so. The reasons are unique for the individual. At the heart of each is an unhappiness with one's self. They can be unhappy with their partner as well, but honorable people break up or get a divorce before they cheat. I am not calling people who cheat dishonorable...I am inclined to reserve all judgments; however, it is dishonorable to the relationship.

Lastly, online flirting and having sex outside of wedlock is two totally different things. Not even the same beeping ballpark. To quote Pulp Fiction, "Beeping a Beep out and giving a Beep a foot massage ain't even the same beeping ballpark." It is a form of infidelity but a form of infidelity at best. When I go out for a guys night and a random woman flirts with me I don't come home and tell my wife about it...that doesn't make it cheating. Now, talking dirty like with a woman online is definitely one up on the former example but still not the same as sex.

My two cents...happy to discuss an logical thoughts further.

Crispin

 

[Rebel - KGC]

I agree with this article; however, let us all come down off our pedestal for a second. Everybody has the desire to cheat, and I mean everybody. Anybody who tells you that they have never had the desire or thoughts of wanting to cheat is lying to you. It is a part of our subconscious nature and driven by evolution. For men, the more seed the spread the more offspring they make, the more their genes are passed down. For woman, the more partners they have, they more they have being provided for them, the more provided yields to higher success of offspring. Now, this may not be true over the last couple hundred years or so, but it certainly was prior to that. The concept of polygamy and polyandry is practiced in over 90% of mammals. Humans are actually the exception. So...the desire to cheat is there in everybody...but we do not have to act on these urges.

This is what makes humans different from most other species, the ability to make a conscious decision based on morals, values, and ethics. We can rise above our basic animal instincts. Cheating usually results in short term gratification and long term suffering. Refusing the opportunity usually results in short term suffering and long term gratification. Those who choose not to cheat, when proposed with the opportunity, value the long term security of marriage, loyal family, etc... then they do a short term thrill.

So, people have been cheating since marriage was invented. Social media has provided a lot more access and outlets for people to cheat. I could get online and find the contact information for any one of my ex-GFs in a matter of minutes. This was not the case prior to the internet boom. Oddly, enough, they could do the same for me...and never have...I wonder what that says about me, lol. Anyway, I digress, internet cameras also provide immediate visual access when before there was none. Facebook is the largest social media network. I do not have a facebook account for obvious reasons. However, most people don't have the restrictions on their identity that I do. Human nature provides the desire, social media makes it a lot easier.

I hear daily accounts of people who cheat and why they decided to do so. The reasons are unique for the individual. At the heart of each is an unhappiness with one's self. They can be unhappy with their partner as well, but honorable people break up or get a divorce before they cheat. I am not calling people who cheat dishonorable...I am inclined to reserve all judgments; however, it is dishonorable to the relationship.

Lastly, online flirting and having sex outside of wedlock is two totally different things. Not even the same beeping ballpark. To quote Pulp Fiction, "Beeping a Beep out and giving a Beep a foot massage ain't even the same beeping ballpark." It is a form of infidelity but a form of infidelity at best. When I go out for a guys night and a random woman flirts with me I don't come home and tell my wife about it...that doesn't make it cheating. Now, talking dirty like with a woman online is definitely one up on the former example but still not the same as sex.

My two cents...happy to discuss an logical thoughts further.

Crispin

Logical...? RATIONAL...? LOL!

 

[dieselram94]

Thanks for the reply Crispin, This is just one of many reasons we do not have facebook in our home. My wife tried it because her friends all were into it. Lasted about 6 months and then some trashy clients of where she works found her and were very inappropriate and that was the end of that. I really see no reason on earth to be on Facebook or any web site of that nature. The way I see it is it is a very dangerous world and why invite trouble. In other words what true good can come of it?

 

[dieselram94]

Rebel, what are your thoughts on Facebook?

 

[hvacker]

Reminiscent of Bill Clinton Que'No!
The cheater will diminish their sin. I can understand love happening to someone not even looking but were talking sleaze. People seeking some gratification that seems closer to sex addiction. I haven't heard the "sick" word yet.

 

[Crispin]

Reminiscent of Bill Clinton Que'No!
The cheater will diminish their sin. I can understand love happening to someone not even looking but were talking sleaze. People seeking some gratification that seems closer to sex addiction. I haven't heard the "sick" word yet.

Be careful to label people with the word 'sick.' Free will does not equate to pathology in the world of mental health. Schizophrenics, bipolars, and people with PTSD are sick. Sick people have no control over their actions. People who cheat have plenty of control over their actions.

 

[Crispin]

Thanks for the reply Crispin, This is just one of many reasons we do not have facebook in our home. My wife tried it because her friends all were into it. Lasted about 6 months and then some trashy clients of where she works found her and were very inappropriate and that was the end of that. I really see no reason on earth to be on Facebook or any web site of that nature. The way I see it is it is a very dangerous world and why invite trouble. In other words what true good can come of it?

Why did God place the apple in reach of Adam and Eve? Such things are not up to you or me to judge...

 

[hvacker]

Maybe levels of being sick. Like the flu. Sometimes your sick and sometimes it kills you.
I here of other addictions called a sickness. Alcohol, drug. Why not sex. Or in this conversation, sex compulsion.
Is it because the practice involves too many operatives. For a long time alcoholism wasn't called a sickness. Maybe for that reason.

 

[dieselram94]

Why did God place the apple in reach of Adam and Eve? Such things are not up to you or me to judge...

Very true Crispin.
I was sure happy when she decided to delete her facebook account. She sure wasn't long getting rid of it.

 

[worldtalker]

I agree with this article; however, let us all come down off our pedestal for a second. Everybody has the desire to cheat, and I mean everybody. Anybody who tells you that they have never had the desire or thoughts of wanting to cheat is lying to you. It is a part of our subconscious nature and driven by evolution. For men, the more seed the spread the more offspring they make, the more their genes are passed down. For woman, the more partners they have, they more they have being provided for them, the more provided yields to higher success of offspring. Now, this may not be true over the last couple hundred years or so, but it certainly was prior to that. The concept of polygamy and polyandry is practiced in over 90% of mammals. Humans are actually the exception. So...the desire to cheat is there in everybody...but we do not have to act on these urges.

This is what makes humans different from most other species, the ability to make a conscious decision based on morals, values, and ethics. We can rise above our basic animal instincts. Cheating usually results in short term gratification and long term suffering. Refusing the opportunity usually results in short term suffering and long term gratification. Those who choose not to cheat, when proposed with the opportunity, value the long term security of marriage, loyal family, etc... then they do a short term thrill.

So, people have been cheating since marriage was invented. Social media has provided a lot more access and outlets for people to cheat. I could get online and find the contact information for any one of my ex-GFs in a matter of minutes. This was not the case prior to the internet boom. Oddly, enough, they could do the same for me...and never have...I wonder what that says about me, lol. Anyway, I digress, internet cameras also provide immediate visual access when before there was none. Facebook is the largest social media network. I do not have a facebook account for obvious reasons. However, most people don't have the restrictions on their identity that I do. Human nature provides the desire, social media makes it a lot easier.

I hear daily accounts of people who cheat and why they decided to do so. The reasons are unique for the individual. At the heart of each is an unhappiness with one's self. They can be unhappy with their partner as well, but honorable people break up or get a divorce before they cheat. I am not calling people who cheat dishonorable...I am inclined to reserve all judgments; however, it is dishonorable to the relationship.

Lastly, online flirting and having sex outside of wedlock is two totally different things. Not even the same beeping ballpark. To quote Pulp Fiction, "Beeping a Beep out and giving a Beep a foot massage ain't even the same beeping ballpark." It is a form of infidelity but a form of infidelity at best. When I go out for a guys night and a random woman flirts with me I don't come home and tell my wife about it...that doesn't make it cheating. Now, talking dirty like with a woman online is definitely one up on the former example but still not the same as sex.

My two cents...happy to discuss an logical thoughts further.

Crispin

Crispin,Marriage wasn't 'invented', it is a Holy frame work instituted where a male and female hopefully are able to work out their fallen nature to become Man and Woman,but, first you have to 'work it in 'before you can work it out.The old Blame game,sure fire method of passing the buck when caught doing something we ought not be doing in the first place!

 

[Crispin]

Maybe levels of being sick. Like the flu. Sometimes your sick and sometimes it kills you.
I here of other addictions called a sickness. Alcohol, drug. Why not sex. Or in this conversation, sex compulsion.
Is it because the practice involves too many operatives. For a long time alcoholism wasn't called a sickness. Maybe for that reason.

You are right. Drug and alcoholism is a disease. The disease revolves around the desire to drink and the response in the body when alcohol is consumed. Obviously, there is a voluntary component to consume but not consuming will not change the underlying desire to drink and the chemical reaction that occurs.

This can happen with sex too; but...the vast majority of people do not have a sex compulsion disease. I don't want to go too much farther into this area as it is poorly defined in the medical community. However, you bring up some very good points.

 

[Crispin]

I will not disagree with that. I change my wording from "invented" to "designed."

 

[worldtalker]

I will not disagree with that. I change my wording from "invented" to "designed."

By the way, Marriage isn't wrong,People are wrong,but ,because of egos,Marriage is blamed,sadly most folks will never understand they even have an ego!

 

[worldtalker]

Why did God place the apple in reach of Adam and Eve? Such things are not up to you or me to judge...

Was not the downfall of Man Knowledge? When He imbibed in it,'took the knowledge of good and evil into His intellect',He became a decider,sound familiar?

 

[spartacus53]

I'm more curious about the other 4

 

[hvacker]

Are relationships temporary by nature? Is polygamy an attempt to solve a problem by legitimizing a need? Are old relationships the sickest (Replaced with nauseous) relationships. Is our future like "Brave New World" where we carry a contraception belt and have sex like a conversation?

I had mentioned pornography before. When it was legalized I wondered what the long term effects might be. I think we are seeing those effects now.
Indulging in fantasies of any type, good,bad can be a trap Isn't it all seduction? Don't the actions by people like Son Of Sam begin with mental indulgence?
A good thing about being young, is a person has a lot more answers.