Real Court Transquips

[poorhunter78]

The verdict is in! Court tranuscripts. These were actually said, word for word, in a court of law!
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JUDGE: I know you, don't I?

DEFENDANT: Uh, yes.

JUDGE: Alright, how do I know you?

DEFENDANT: Your Honor, do I have to tell you?

JUDGE: Of course, you might be obstructing justice not to tell me.

DEFENDANT: Okay. I was your bookie.

*********************************************
JUDGE: Please Identify yourself for the record.

DEF: Colonel Ebenezer Jackson.

JUDGE: What does the "Colonel" stand for?

DEF: Well, it's kinda like the "Honorable" in front of your name--not a Dang thing.
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JUDGE: You are charged with habitual drunkness. Have you anything to say in your defense?

DEF: Habitual thirstiness?
*********************************************
DEF:If I called you a son of a witch, what would you do?

JUDGE: I'd hold you in contempt and assess you an additional five days in jail.

DEF: What if I thought you were a son of a witch?

JUDGE: I can't do anything about that. There's no law against thinking.

DEF: In that case, I think you are a son of a witch.

 

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[truckinbutch]

 

[stefen]

 

[spartacus53]

I have one I can personally add to this mix.. Happened a few yeas ago, but still makes me laugh.

I was in front of a hearing examiner, and was asked what happened to my 401K savings plan.. I explained that I needed the funds and had to close the account.

Her next question was, "So, how much is left in the account?"

I replied, "What about closed don't you understand

Then she got snippy, and said I would love to hear you say that in front of a judge.. I replied, No problem. I think they understand the meaning of closed..

One cop just put his head down and shook his head from side to side

 

[truckinbutch]

Testifying in Federal Court in Jacksonville , FL as a plaintiff in a class action suit ; I was being badgered by one of the defendant's lawyers .
Rapid fire questions that he wanted immediate answers to at the snap of his finger .
He complained to the judge that I was being uncooperative because of the time it took me to answer each one .
The judge looked at me for a response .
"Your Honor , I am a simple , honest truck driver . Not being a lawyer , I must think before I open my mouth ."
There was a grin on his face as he started rapping his gavel to regain order in his court .

 

[poorhunter78]

I was a Character Witness in A Lawsuit case, This past Winter. Our Lawyer was a Cool Cat. Theirs! an A hole. He would look at me trying the stare down. Stare down is my game, I never lose in staredown. He would look them rifle eyes at me and ask a question, Wording it to try and trip me up. After a couple of Uh....Uh.....Uhhh....Uhh...Uhh's then I would answer. That's enough Mr........ You may Step Down...