This wasn't me but it is one of the funniest stories I have ever read.
Deer Roping
> > >
> > > I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall,
>Feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it. The
>First step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that since
> > > They congregated at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear
>of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff
>at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away)
>that it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag
>over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.
> > > I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The
>cattle, who had seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were
>not having any of it. After about 20 minutes my deer showed up - 3 of
>them. I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the
>feeder, and threw my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me. I
>wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a
>good hold. The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell
>it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation. I took a step
>towards it...it took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope and
>received an education.
> > > The first thing that I learned is that while a deer may just stand
>There looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action
>when you start pulling on that rope. That deer EXPLODED.
> > > The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT
>stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I
>could fight down with a rope with some dignity. A deer, no chance. That
>thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no Controlling it
>and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and
>started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a
>deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I originally imagined.
>The only up side is that they do not have as much stamina as many animals.
>A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me
>off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes
>to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of
>the big gash in my head.
> > > At that point I had lost my taste for corn fed venison. I just wanted
>To get that devil creature off the end of that rope. I figured if I just
>Let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die Slow
>and painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all between me
>and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing and I would venture a
>guess that the feeling was mutual. Despite the gash in my head and the
>several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by
>bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the
>ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a
>small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the
>situation we were in, so I didn't want the deer to have it suffer a slow
>death so I managed to get it lined back up in between my truck and the
>feeder - a little trap I had set before hand. Kind of like a squeeze
>chute. I got it to back in there and started moving up so I could get my
>rope back.
> > > Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million years would
>have thought that a deer would bite somebody so I was very surprised when
>I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my
>wrist. Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse
>where they just bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its
>head - almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.
> > > The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and
>draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was
>ineffective. It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several
>minutes, but it was likely only several seconds. I, being smarter than a
>deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now) tricked it.
> > > While I kept it busy tearing the bejesus out of my right arm, I
>reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose.
> > > That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day. Deer
>will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back
>feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are
>surprisingly sharp. I learned a long time ago that when an animal like a
>horse strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the
>best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move
>towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you
>can escape. This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously such
>trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond I devised a
>different strategy. I screamed like woman and tried to turn and run.
> > > The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a
>horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you
>in the back of the head. Deer may not be so different from horses after
>all, besides being twice as strong and three times as evil, because the
>second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and
>knocked me down. Now when a deer paws at you and knocks you down it does
>not immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has
>passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you
>while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your
>head.
> > > I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away.
> > > Now for the local legend. I was pretty beat up. My scalp was split
>open, I had several large goose eggs, my wrist was bleeding pretty good
>and felt broken (it turned out to be just badly bruised) and my back was
>bleeding in a few places, though my insulated canvas jacket had protected
>me from most of the worst of it. I drove to the nearest place, which was
>the co-op. I got out of the truck, covered in blood and dust and looking
>like hell. The guy who ran the place saw me through the window and came
>running out yelling "what happened".
> > > I have never seen any law in the state of Kansas that would prohibit
>an individual from roping a deer. I suspect that this is an area that they
>have overlooked entirely. Knowing, as I do, the lengths to which law
>enforcement personnel will go to exercise their power, I was concerned
>that they may find a way to twist the existing laws to paint my actions as
>criminal. I swear...not wanting to admit that I had done something
>monumentally stupid played no part in my response. I told him "I was
>attacked by a deer". I did not mention that at the time I had a rope on
>it. The evidence was all over my body. Deer prints on the back of my
>jacket where it had stomped all over me and a large deer print on my face
>where it had struck me there. I asked him to call somebody to come get me.
>I didn't think I could make it home on my own. He did. Later that
>afternoon, a game warden showed up at my house and wanted to know about
>the deer attack. Surprisingly, deer attacks are a rare
> > > thing and wildlife and parks was interested in the event. I tried to
>describe the attack as completely and accurately as I could. I was filling
>the grain hopper and this deer came out of nowhere and just started
>kicking the hell out of me and BIT me. It was obviously rabid or insane or
>something.
> > > EVERYBODY for miles around knows about the deer attack (the guy at the
>co-op has a big mouth). For several weeks people dragged their kids in the
>house when they saw deer around and the local ranchers carried rifles when
>they filled their feeders. I have told several people the story, but NEVER
>anybody around here. I have to see these people every day and as an
>outsider - a "city folk". I have enough trouble fitting in without them
>snickering behind my back and whispering "there is the idiot that tried to
>rope the deer."
smelt something rotten down there once on my airboat myself but didn't see anything
