Forum Humor

[schlooppy]

How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: But I dont know how they get in there.


And no I have never smelled moth balls - I would'nt know how to get their legs apart.

 

Amazon Forum Fav 👍

Diving for Pleasure and Treasure - Grab it through Amazon!

[stoney56]

Nuggets Of A Different Kind.

 

[GunFarce]

Hey!!! I just wanted to show you guys my new Generator..
Pretty neat eh!

 

[jeff of pa]

Subject: [GCFL.net] Immutable Laws



When one wishes to unlock a door but has has only one hand
free, the keys are in the opposite pocket. (Von Fumbles Law)

A door will snap shut only when you have left the keys
inside. (Yale Law of Destiny)

When one's hands are covered with oil, grease, or glue, your
nose will start to itch. (Law of Ichiban)

Your insurance will cover everything but what has happened.
(Insurance So Sorry Law)

When things seem to be going well, you've probably forgotten
to do something. (Cheney's Second Corollary)

When things seem easy to do, it's because you haven't
followed all the instructions. (Destiny Awaits Law)

If you keep your cool when everyone else is losing his, it's
probably because you have not realized the seriousness of
the problem. (Law of Gravitas)

Most problems are not created or solved; they only change
appearances. (Einstein's Law of Persistence)

You will run to answer the telephone just as the party hangs
up on you. (Principle of Dingaling)

Whenever you connect with the Internet, the call you've been
waiting for all day will arrive. (Principle of Bellsouth)

If there are only two programs on TV that are worth your
time, they will always be at the same time. (Law of
Wasteland)

The cost is always higher than one budgets for, and it is
exactly 3.14 times higher, hence the importance of pi. (Law
of Pi Eyed)

The probability that one will spill food on one's clothes is
directly proportional to the need to be clean. (Law of
Campbell Scoop)

Each and every body submerged in a bathtub will cause the
phone to ring. (Law of Yes Now)

Each and every body sitting on a commode will cause the
doorbell to ring. (Law of Ding Dong)

Wind velocity will increase proportionally to the cost of
one's hairdo. (The Don King Principle)

After discarding something not used for years, you will need
it one week later. (Law of Fatal Irreversibility)

Arriving early for an appointment will cause the
receptionist to be absent, and if one arrives late, everyone
else has arrived before you. (Law of Delay)

Do not take life too seriously, because in the end, you
won't come out alive anyway. (Theory of Absolute Certainty)

 

[Jeffro]

An oldie but a goodie- I'll try and clean it up some....


The Lone Ranger and Tonto were out scouting around one day when nature calls. At that particular moment, a rockslide occurs, pinning the Lone Rangers legs with his pants still down. Perturbed by the recent rockslide, a rattle snake decides to attack the first thing he sees "dangling in the wind".

"Tonto, quick! Run into town and get the doctor!" the Lone ranger shouts.

Ever the faithful companion, Tonto takes off to find a doctor. When he gets there, the doctor is swamped and can't get away. But he does tell Tonto how to treat a snakebite, by making an incision between the fang marks, and sucking the poisin out.

So Tonto gets back to the Lone Ranger and says "Kemosabe, doc no come" to which the Lone Ranger replies "Well, what'd he say?"

"He say, You gonna die" came the reply.....

 

[stoney56]

You know, I hear that the Ace 250, or the Explorer II, the MXT, or is it the De'Leon is the best coinshooter there is.
Maybe this one was better and doesn't even need batteries.?

 

[jeff of pa]

That's a Realy Cool Picture Jeff.

? ? ? ? ? would make a Nice Computer Wallpaper . (Desktop Backround) if larger.

 

[jeff of pa]

HERE'S A Good use for all the Hubcaps found along he Roads.

 

[jeff of pa]

IMAGINE Needing to go to the Outhouse in the Middle of a Party, at 1 in the Morning

 

[jeff of pa]

This one must be from GLOBAL WARMING

 

[jeff of pa]

Does the Woman on the Second floor look like one of our Members ?

 

[jeff of pa]

Tree House for you Kids

 

[jeff of pa]

the Place I want to Buy IF I hit the Powerball tonight

 

[jeff of pa]

Place I wouldn't want to live, If I Sleep Walk.

OR During High Winds.

 

[jeff of pa]

Just Plain Cool

 

[jeff of pa]

DO YOU HAVE THE HANDS OF A BRAIN SURGEON OR DO YOU WRITE WITH CRAYONS? I TRIED THIS 5 TIMES AND COULDN'T GET PAST LEVEL 3. I CHEATED AND USED BOTH HANDS ON LEVEL 3. I JUST COULD NOT MAKE IT TO LEVEL 4. I DON'T THINK IT'S POSSIBLE! TRY IT. IF ANYBODY MAKES IT TO 4 LET ME KNOW. I WANT YOU TO DO MY NEXT OPERATION IF I NEED ONE!

Make sure Sound is on. LEVEL 3 Dosn't work right without it.


click here:
www.winterrowd.com/maze.swf

 

[Gabbit]

That was pretty hard -- almost got to level 5. Going to have to send that one to my work to see if anyone can beat it. 8)

 

[stoney56]

A little something for when you get into an area that you just can't quite stop finding goodies.

 

[Gypsy Heart]

WINTER CLASSES FOR MEN AT THE LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY, Jan.30,2006
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.


Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and
Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? --- Group Practice
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.


Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor ---
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM

Class 6
Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right Places
And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum .
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing .
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.


Class 14
The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses,
diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

 

[Kentucky Kache]

I don't know, I don't really go for that higher education stuff.