NEW CONTEST

Honest Samuel said:
I am very upset that none of you miss me.
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Well Sam....we all missed you. I did hear that you need to play nicer this year in order to get a visit from Valleyclaus. He may deliver you coal or....you you are nice...maybe a new pair of those Alien seeing glasses that just hit the underground market...they even work on Shapeshifting alien felines!
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Every year, Santa drop two bags of gold on Christmas for Tippy and me. And to all, a good night while I am Last.
 

Hope that week in the hoosegow taught you a lesson about streaking at the bowling alley!
 

13dolphins1 said:
I feel that Hoosegow should be the name of a Vodka. Hoosegow Vodka.
I would buy it.
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Well, you are in luck! Hoosegow Vodka is a popular Russian vodka. The girlfriend of their pres owns the distillery. Although it is spelled vokda in Russian.
 

Speaking of Russian, there is a Russian fellow in the village who runs a sketchy health supplements store.
He taught me how to speak and write Russian.
You see, Russian and English developed at the same time, but Russians dropped vowels in order to save ink and paper and because they did not want to be thought of as capitalists. So, anyone can get by in Russian by leaving out vowels and winging it a little. For example, if you are inexplicably looking for your lost cat (instead of celebrating that the parasite has ran away) you would say Where is my cat? In Russian this becomes Whr s m Ct? Add a ski to sound intelligent. Like Ctski. They do use i in that manner so that vowel is ok. Drinking a little vokda helps.
 

Hillbilly Prince said:
Speaking of Russian, there is a Russian fellow in the village who runs a sketchy health supplements store.
He taught me how to speak and write Russian.
You see, Russian and English developed at the same time, but Russians dropped vowels in order to save ink and paper and because they did not want to be thought of as capitalists. So, anyone can get by in Russian by leaving out vowels and winging it a little. For example, if you are inexplicably looking for your lost cat (instead of celebrating that the parasite has ran away) you would say Where is my cat? In Russian this becomes Whr s m Ct? Add a ski to sound intelligent. Like Ctski. They do use i in that manner so that vowel is ok. Drinking a little vokda helps.
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Linski....I saw a Linski! (Alien). I'm catching on to this Russian language stuff.
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13dolphins1 said:
Linski....I saw a Linski! (Alien). I'm catching on to this Russian language stuff.
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Y r ctchng n, Comrade Dolphinski! Just add ski to English names.
By the way, the old Russian has a beautiful daughter named Dashe (pronounced Dasha, like Porche).
He noticed me looking longingly at his daughter as she stocked shelves. He is laboring under the illusion I am wealthy like all filthy American capitalist swine. So he asks if I would like to be introduced and go to dinner at some swanky place like Golden Corral.
I said I had heard about Russian women and was afraid they were out of my league in certain delicate areas compared to Russian men.
Well, he said No problem my friend, and he surreptiously pushed two bottles toward me. He said this is all you need. One bottle was labeled Full Auto AK-47, and the other was labeled Stainless Steel Rod.
Well, I trust the guy so I allowed him to introduce me to Dashe. He left us alone and after some small talk I asked her to dinner. She said Of course!
To make a long story short, I picked her up yesterday evening and we went to Golden Corral where we had the buffet. She tried everything, and was finally full. She said she had not seen nor eaten that much food in her entire life back in the homeland.
During the meal I took two of the capsules per the Shopkeeper's instructions. Unfortunately, by the end of dinner I had to leave carrying my coat for reasons which I cannot detail here.
I also cannot reveal what happened back at the castle- suffice it to say Dashe asked me if my parents were Russian immigrants. She said she had not enjoyed herself like that since she went out with her town's soccer team back in Russia. High praise indeed even if I am half dead today. Dashe wanted to stop at the drive thru for a light breakfast when I took her home. Which is to say we stopped the package store where we got a bottle of Rocket Fuel Vokda. She downed half of it by the time we reached her house. I got tipsy just from the fumes!
 

Honest Samuel said:
I have problems speaking English. The Pats will win later. And a good Afternoon to all while I am Last.
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Today's football analysis. Brown's better win or Freddy will be gone by season's end. Maybe will anyhow.
Is anyone else not that impressed by the Saints? They are like field goal specialists. Drew should have more SB wins. Imagine him with Beluchick or the Dolphins.
The Falcons are on top 23-9 right now. The Falcons?!
Good heavens...Drew will never win another SB.
I think Cam Newton is done.
In other news, because I despise the Arkkansas Razorbacks because they drop the cbs sports feed to play their moronic games on the radio and I have to go to my phone app. Anyway, they hire 4th tier coaches and then they are all excited about about their football season.
Two years in after winning two whole games per season they are calling for new coach's head and they get it. Rinse repeat. Judas priest.
On the homefront I just know that possum stole a bag of cheetos. He is looking to become a fur hat for my dog if so :)
 

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Honest Samuel said:
It seem that the Pats are not playing today, so sad.
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Maybe Monday? I thought you and Tom were selfie bros? Why didn't he tell you?
Heard they are trying to lure Gronk back. He better stay away. He is already gonna pay big later for all the damage took.
So you tooting for the Cowboys?
 

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