Re: Dreaded Holiday Gifts - What don't you want?
In my opinion, one of the Worst moviest ever made. Cover art for the video release is almost as bad...
Here's my plot synopsis:
This film is a gross, shameful foray into the blending of a bad cop film, mafia film, and martial arts film into one awful 1980's cinematic abortion. So a guy named "Remo Williams" (who looks like Stevie Seagal on meth) meets this random old wise Asian guy named "Chung." (Somehow, I think that half of the wise old Asian guys in 80's "B" movies were named "Chung"...
) He probably met "Chung" when "Chung" delivered his pint of pork fried rice from the local "Jade Dragon Buffet #714." Anyhow, so he finds out that this random old wise Asian guy is actually a martial arts master, and he decides to train with him--in Chung's upscale New York apartment
--so that he can really kick some butt. So it turns out that Chung has some cool moves (this part is almost redeemable), the greatest of which is his ability to run on the surface of a body of water without getting wet (no cheesy special effects here--just a platform hidden two inches below a lake). Remo is not able to master this trick, probably because he has no platform hidden two inches below a lake. In the Dramatic Climax of the movie, Remo climbs all over the Statue of Liberty for 30 minutes of screen time trying to fistfight these dirty cop mafia dudes rather than just taking the easy route and shooting them. He then finds himself cornered by the dirty cop mafia dudes and surrounded by freshly poured cement. He decides to try running across it and succeeds this time where he has failed before. Such a moment of Epiphany! Then the bad guys run after him and drown in the wet cement. And everybody is happy. And something is accomplished by all of this, but we're never quite sure what.
Do NOT rent this film.
The giving of this film will result in Banishment from the Kingdom.
If you REALLY wanna give a Bad Film as a gift, give one that is So Bad, it's
Good. For example--"Any Which Way But Loose" starring Clint Eastwood and "Clyde" the Orangutan.
Or perhaps, "Spiritual Kung Fu" starring Jackie Chan--overdubbed in about four different regional english accents.
I don't know whether the highlight of the film is where Jackie Chan eats a LIVE FROG or whether it's where he fights with a girl and turns her over her knee and Spanks her in the middle of their duel.
But either way, here is an awesome fight scene:
Either one of THOSE are acceptable to give as gifts.
-Buckles
![:-\](https://www.treasurenet.com/smilies/undecided.gif "Undecided :-\")
To make matters worse, you are forced to go shopping in stores filled with coughing, hacking sick people who spread their germs all over. Parking lot nightmares and screaming kids is not my idea of the Christmas spirit. Nope, Christmas is a nightmare to me. It's just one big commercialized shopping gimmick promoting all the crap merchandise made in China, and I refuse to participate in it.
