Back in 95' I had just moved here on this remote ridge top in TN. and set up my home. Just planted 100's of dollars of grass seed all over. Early in the morning (sunrise) my kids wake me up and say "Dad there are cow's all over the front lawn"! Sure enough.... about 25-35 cows are all over my front lawn and in the woods around the house. But there are no cows close to me at all. I go outside and their all walking up the steep ridge right into my "new lawn". I couldn't believe it. I yelled and yelled for them to get off the lawn and get their asses back into the woods. Cows are STUPID.... I swear they are. They all left but one..... This one dumb cow hung around and hung around the yard and house. It was smaller also then the others. Maybe about 400-500 lbs. It hung around for about 2 hrs. walking all over my newly planted yard. Another 2 hrs. passed (cow still here) and then the idea hit me.... THAT'S A LOT OF STEAK JUST BEGGING TO HIT MY FREEZER!!!!! I decided to call into work, kill the cow and fill the freezer. But it was early August and HOT, HOT.... real hot. Still all the cows were gone except this one stupid one after 2 more hours. It's now 2:00 pm and this cow is moving in it appears. I get the 20 ga. out and the deer slugs. It's now about 2:30 pm. and 100+ degrees. I go out and try and get this cow to walk to an area near the woods by a huge oak. But it's not acting right (according to me). I yell and yell and push it but it doesn't respond right. I finally fired a shot into the air and this cow does NOTHING.... absolutely nothing. No reaction at all. Well this freaks me out and I fire off another one. No reaction. It then dawns on me that not only do I have a real dumb cow here but a deaf one also. I go in and call the Sheriffs dept. to inquire if anybody is missing 30 cows..... yep, is the answer. Out comes the Sheriff and the farmer who's missing them. They found them about 3/4 miles away. The only one left is this real dumb / deaf one. The farmer recognizes this cow and says "Wow, that one has never acted right since birth". I then said "maybe that's because it's deaf". Damn he says.... How do you know? So.... I said since it wouldn't get out of the newly planted yard I was gonna march it's butt over to that oak, kill it and hoist it up with my chain come-a-long and get to work. But I said "it wouldn't walk over to the tree for me even after 2 warning shots". The deputy was stunned that I said that. He seriously said "You can't do that"! I said your wrong.... it's easy if the cow could hear and follow directions! The farmer actually laughed but the deputy was not amused with my arrogance. The deaf cow was then roped / lead and tied to the large oak overnight while the rest of the herd was rounded up. I even watered it.
It then dawned on me that deaf cows are NOT dumb!!!! I'm glad I didn't kill it because the farmer was so cool about the whole thing. He offered reimbursement / help and/or some beef. I took none and outside of all the cow patties my lawn came up "ok".