How would you approach this...

[DFW_THer]

BK, your daughter has them. She lied about the watches, you found them. She lied about your wife's item, you found it. You didn't simply misplace a few thousand dollars worth of jewelry. You don't have a ghost hiding objects in your house and you don't have a cat that is nesting with pieces of metal.

Go ahead and set the camera up with a bait ring and then come down on her. Lying and stealing--common lessons to have to teach your children about. Do it for the common good, even if it makes you uncomfortable. If you don't tell her right from wrong, who will?

My hunch is she is simply giving them away to friends. "Oh yeah, we have so much of this stuff lying around, yeah, you can have it!" Just like that your 11 year old girl is the most popular thing in school--what more could she ask for? Besides a few more bracelets lying around.

Take care 'o your bidness!!

 

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[Treasure_Hunter]

Thread moved, not Garage Sale related.

 

[pat-tekker-cat]

Wishing you the best in handling this situation.
Perhaps, go to the school, talk to the principal, let him be aware and then go talk to her homeroom teacher. Inquire if she has noticed your daughter with "items". If she has an assigned desk or locker, check that, too.

Like one poster said, if you know some community involved Leo's, perhaps...... one could visit under the guise of "another persons valuables" are missing and they are "pressing charges", need to "investigate", something along those lines, gently(not to damage her mentally), but severe consequences DO happen in real life..... I'd only ask the police for help, as the last resort(wrong person, they'll be handcuffing her, taking her to juvie).

If she is "acting out" trying to test her own individuality, who she is, where she can belong and fit in, best to nip it quick, lay down the law, and be the boss. Set bad attitudes and misconduct straight, quick!
Good luck and best wishes, I know it's tough.


correction, *acting out

 

[JimDon]

I would seek professional advice from a counselor. Have you considered the cause may be an absent or distant parent. She takes the items because they take from her in the guise of a parent. I would do some soul searching on how much time you spend picking and time spent with your daughter. I am not accusing you but just trying to show a different view of it. Sometimes the cause is the issue not the act. I hope it works out.

 

[Duckshot]

If you are in Fl you might want to look into the Baker Act.

Kleptomania is in fact a disease. The sooner mental illness is diagnosed the better the chances for effective treatment. Could be nothing but better to err on the side of caution IMO.

At least consult an appropriate doctor.

 

[silverdollarbill]

If you are in Fl you might want to look into the Baker Act.

Kleptomania is in fact a disease. The sooner mental illness is diagnosed the better the chances for effective treatment. Could be nothing but better to err on the side of caution IMO.

At least consult an appropriate doctor.

I recommend trusting your gut and not the advice of strangers. You're a good dude, you will figure it out.

 

[DannyB.]

The last resort would be consulting a "doctor".

 

[BagLady]

I feel your pain. I've been there too. I turned my daughter and her 2 friends into the Walmart manager when they were 12, and I had caught them red handed.
I let him take over.
Getting caught at that age, and having to face humiliation and stark fear of the unknown...
I figured their life lesson was worth it.
Because that is a lesson they will never forget. And not likely to repeat.
It's hard. Parenting is hard. You have to make tough decisions sometimes, and sometimes its worth it.

 

[hvacker]

Some kids steal others have boundary issues. There is a difference in that the one that steals intends to keep/sell the loot. The one with boundary issues is way more difficult IMO. They don't recognize ownership or when they are crossing someone elses boundaries.
They take things to their space and possess them. The space can be their room or where ever they live later. They also will cross other boundaries like personal things where you might want to say "That's non of your business."
For this mindset, normal boundaries don't exist.
From here your going to need to figure out what your Daughter is all about and that might take some form of intervention professionally speaking. Age 11 is the pivot point for many kids. They are still building a sense of conscious 9 right/wrong) and sometimes need a little push.

 

[G.I.B.]

You will always cause you to doubt yourself until you have the video.

 

[Huntster54]

If this is not allowed here please delete it. I'm just not sure where to post.

I hope I am dead wrong about this. However in the past I have had things missing out of my office, and no one in my house seems to know where they have gone or went too. I bought three really nice watches and they disappeared, then a couple weeks later I found them in my daughter's book bag she had been taking them to school and telling me she had no idea where they were...

My wife's make up was missing... we found it in her room... under the bed...

I left two diamond tennis bracelets on my counter to take to the jewelers in the morning and now they're gone. One was mine.. from a yard Sale - a 1 ct like $400-700. The others belonged to a client.... 4.5 Ct and I was headed to get appraised. Can't find either of them and no one knows where they are.... I feel so sick about this.

I don't want to accuse, but I need to find these. Idk I have torn this house apart... I feel so sick even typing this now....

My daughter is 11. So not to the adult / teen age of pawning stuff yet.. she likes to hide things I feel... ugh. Sorry- frustrated!

Well, just reading around the forums and this one struck me.
My question is a different one. Is your wife on the same page with you? Are you both together about things and both reluctantly hoping it's not your daughter? I think you and the wife had better be in agreement about all of this. The video camera will erase all doubts and then it will be time for action. You also don't conclusively state if any one else is in the house on a regular basis.

Once you have that kind of evidence you can start with real progress in dealing with it. For one, showing her the evidence before threatening any other actions may go a long way to get it out in the open.

All parties have to be on the exact page for curing these kinds of family problems. The time to take it to professionals if threat of violence enters the discussions. Is 11 years old to old to spare the rod? Perhaps not, but threats of violence from an 11 year is not normal.

GL