Open Letter to the Mugger Last Night

[Minstrel]

To the guy who tried to mug me in downtown Savannah night before last.
Date: 2009-03-23, 3:43 AM EST



I was the guy with the black Burberry jacket that you demanded I hand
over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You
also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings.



I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize.

I didn't expect you to crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after
you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason
that evening, and it wasn't that cold outside.



You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45
ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster
for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh?



It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it? I
know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever
you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants.
I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up
leaving your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again.



I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her
listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. She really didn't
sound very pleased. She said you take after your dad, whereever he is.
I also bought myself and four other people in the gas station this morning
a tank full of gas on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home
took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!



I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go
Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet.



I threw the wallet in a fancy pink "pimp mobile" parked at the curb
after I broke the windshield and side window out and keyed the drivers
side.



I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. They'll be
on your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Ma Bell just shut
down the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now,
so I don't know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't
permanently cut off your service.



I could only get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and
one to the FBI with it. The FBI guy was really pissed and we had a long
chat (I guess while he traced the number).



I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and in
stead making you walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky.



- Alex -



P.S. Remember this motto...... an armed society is a polite society!

 

[Eu_citzen]

P.S. Remember this motto...... an armed society is a polite society!

As long as your not the one with the gun towards your head.

 

[stefen]

Poor guy surely is in the need of proper washing instruction for cleaning the skid marks out of his choneys

 

[Minstrel]

You forgot to mention that an armed society is a safer and more productive society. I only hope that was a true story....but he should have pulled the trigger

I received it second hand, did not if true or not so put it under Comedy---I agree as I would have just squeezed off a round--pretty stupid to bring a knife to a gun fight.
Yes you are correct: Armed society is safer and more productive.
Thanks for the comment
Minstrel