Stimulus Package

Mighty AP · Jan 27, 2009

This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment.
This is the very exciting new program that Democrats will explain using the Q and A format:

Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. No, they are borrowing it from China . Your children are expected to repay the Chinese.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up."

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China...

Spend it on gasoline, it will go to Hugo Chavez, the Arabs and Al Queda...

If you purchase a computer it will go to Taiwan...

Purchase fruit and vegetables and it will go to Mexico , Honduras , and Guatemala (unless you buy organic)...

If you buy a car it will go to Japan and Korea...

If you purchase prescription drugs it will go to India...

Purchase heroin and it will go to the Taliban in Afghanistan...

If you give it to a charitable cause, it will go to Nigeria...

...And none of it will help the American economy.

We need to keep that money here in America. You can keep the money in America by spending it at yard sales, going to a baseball game, or spend it on prostitutes, beer (domestic ONLY other than AB), or tattoos, since those are the only businesses still in the US.

BuckleBoy · Jan 27, 2009

Mighty AP said:
You can keep the money in America by spending it at yard sales, going to a baseball game, or spend it on prostitutes, beer (domestic ONLY other than AB), or tattoos, since those are the only businesses still in the US.

Sounds like a STIMULATION package!

stoney56 · Jan 27, 2009

AP, thanks for reading the fine print.

ashleen · Jan 27, 2009

Maybe we should use it t o buy gold?

Smee · Jan 27, 2009

Ashleen said:
Maybe we should use it t o buy gold?

Now, WHY did someone have to go and throw LOGIC into the discussion? :icon_scratch:

JK, Sounds like someone has a plan . . .

Wait a second!!! Gold stimulates most women, almost like diamonds and other shiny things. So it really COULD be a STIMULATION PACKAGE :icon_scratch:

Think I'm gonna buy some gold with mine. Where can you still buy gold dust? Because after printing up all that money, you'll be lucky if it will buy any gold, even a 10k ring from Wally World. :icon_scratch:

Printing all that cash, even if its borrowed (I heard the Chinese are thinking of downgrading our credit score) will definitely bring on inflation and gold will cost even more. :icon_scratch:

My head hurts from trying to make sense of the whole thing. Good night.

Pimp Lenin · Jan 27, 2009

In June my family and I are attending my brother-in-law's wedding in Canada. If I get any money from the government, I'll be spending my American $$$ in the People's Socialist Republic of Canuckistan. Take that, Obama!