Ray S S
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- Port Huron, Mi.
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I received these 'Rules" from a friend and thought I'd pass them along for those of you that might like them, too. If you would like to pass them along to someone else, it shouldn't be too hard to make a few
slight changes to adapt them to your state. They are as follows.
The Rules Of Rural Michigan
1...Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2... Turn your cap right; your head isn't crooked.
3...Let's get this straight; it's called a dirt road. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to
get dust on your Lexus. Get out of the way.
4...To us they are cattle. Think of them live steaks. They smell funny to you, but they smell like money to us. Get over it.
5...We're not impressed that you have a $60,000.00 car. We have $150,000.00 cornpickers that are driven only three weeks a year.
^...Every person in rural Michigan waves at you. We think of it as being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
7...If that cell phone rings while an 8 point buck and 3 does are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. you had better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
8...The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religeous holiday held the 15th of November.
9...We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, reguardless of age.
10...Yea, we eat taters and gravy, beans and cornbread. We fry our right after catchin' 'em. If you
really want Sushi and Caviar, it's available at the Corner Bait Shop.
11...No, there's no'vegetarian Special on the menue. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's
Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.
12... When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes; (includes fish), vegetables, and bread. We
use 4 spices; salt, pepper, hot sauce and ketchup. Oh yeah,....We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati
call that stuff you eat;.....IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!
13...You bring 'coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served with ice.
14...You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
15College and High School Football is as important here as the Bears or the Bulls, and a dang site more fun to watch.
16...Yea, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazzards....it spooks the fish.
17...Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities, Community Colleges,and vo-techs.
They come out of there with an education plus a love for God and Country, and they still wave at everybody when they come home fo the holidays.
18...We have a whole ton of folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines. Plus we have the Michigan Militia!
19...Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumppity thump music ain't music anyway. We don't want
to hear it any more than we want to see your boxers. Refer back to Rule #1.
20...Four inches of snow isn't a blizzard; It's a flurry. Drive like you got some sense in it. and
DON'T take all our bread, milk , and toilet paper from our grocery stores! This ain't Alaska! Worst
case, you may have to live a whole day without croisants. The pickups with snowblades will have you out the next day.
I hope some of you liked these well enough to read all of them.
Have a good day and to these of you that have no snow;
good hunting to you.
Ray
slight changes to adapt them to your state. They are as follows.
The Rules Of Rural Michigan
1...Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2... Turn your cap right; your head isn't crooked.
3...Let's get this straight; it's called a dirt road. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to
get dust on your Lexus. Get out of the way.
4...To us they are cattle. Think of them live steaks. They smell funny to you, but they smell like money to us. Get over it.
5...We're not impressed that you have a $60,000.00 car. We have $150,000.00 cornpickers that are driven only three weeks a year.
^...Every person in rural Michigan waves at you. We think of it as being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
7...If that cell phone rings while an 8 point buck and 3 does are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. you had better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
8...The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religeous holiday held the 15th of November.
9...We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, reguardless of age.
10...Yea, we eat taters and gravy, beans and cornbread. We fry our right after catchin' 'em. If you
really want Sushi and Caviar, it's available at the Corner Bait Shop.
11...No, there's no'vegetarian Special on the menue. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's
Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.
12... When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes; (includes fish), vegetables, and bread. We
use 4 spices; salt, pepper, hot sauce and ketchup. Oh yeah,....We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati
call that stuff you eat;.....IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!
13...You bring 'coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served with ice.
14...You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
15College and High School Football is as important here as the Bears or the Bulls, and a dang site more fun to watch.
16...Yea, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazzards....it spooks the fish.
17...Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities, Community Colleges,and vo-techs.
They come out of there with an education plus a love for God and Country, and they still wave at everybody when they come home fo the holidays.
18...We have a whole ton of folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines. Plus we have the Michigan Militia!
19...Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumppity thump music ain't music anyway. We don't want
to hear it any more than we want to see your boxers. Refer back to Rule #1.
20...Four inches of snow isn't a blizzard; It's a flurry. Drive like you got some sense in it. and
DON'T take all our bread, milk , and toilet paper from our grocery stores! This ain't Alaska! Worst
case, you may have to live a whole day without croisants. The pickups with snowblades will have you out the next day.
I hope some of you liked these well enough to read all of them.
Have a good day and to these of you that have no snow;
good hunting to you.
Ray
