Your best one liner!

[newnan man]

I'll start.
Did you hear about the cannibal who passed his buddy in the woods?

 

[Duckshot]

How does every racist joke start?

(Duckshot looks around behind both shoulders)

 

[Duckshot]

I'll start.
Did you hear about the cannibal who passed his buddy in the woods?

Yeah i did.

I'm sure you know the farmer who was outstanding in his field.

 

[Duckshot]

Does this napkin smell like chloroform?
---
(after being asked, "Did you miss me?")- Only with the first shot so far.

---

My wife told me her hands and arms were tired from using the broom all day, I said next time take the car!

---

I hit a Mercedes in the parking lot and nobody was around so I left a note- "Next time buy American!"

 

[Tommybuckets]

I had a good one happen on the beach spontaneously. As you know its hard to pass as a super stud when you're beach detecting a packed beach in July. There was a beautiful young lady lying alone on her towel and we made awkward eye contact.
" Do you ever find anything good with that thing? " She asked.
I waved the detector over her belly button ring and was close enough that we could hear the buzz from the headphones.
I said, "I found you didn't I?" and sat down on her blanket and turned off the machine. I'm usually not so cocky and the first thirty seconds were awkward but once we got to talking we spent the day together into the night. I got her to the house with me for dinner but she skipped out on me when it was time to go to bed. Good times, almost the best of times. I still chuckle at that one.

 

[NJearthman]

The more dough I got the more I kneed.

 

[newnan man]

Skeleton walks into a bar and says: Give me a beer & a mop.

 

[Coonhound]

Then was the guy with a shoe fetish who got off on the wrong foot.

 

[RTR]

Short guy walked into a bar and punches everyone in the joint

 

[outlaws15]

I don't mean to be condescending, oh that means talking down to you

 

[devldog]

.......Then there was our old Irish buddy, claim to fame...... "Patty O' Furniture.

 

[devldog]

The midget politician said at the beginning of his speech: "I'll try and Keep it Short".

 

[villagenut]

Hear about the dog who walked into a saloon in tombstone.....he was lookin for the man who shot his paw

 

[metrotec]

A magician walking down the street and turned into a bar.

 

[newnan man]

My wife and I were so happy for 20 years, then we met!

 

[Escape]

You have to chew the bone before you can eat the ham.

 

[Trezurehunter]

Life is 10 % attitude, and 90 % how you deal with it.

 

[Red-Coat]

I decided to buy a universal remote control for the multitude of electronic devices in our home and, let me tell you, this changes everything.

 

[TheCoinKid]

Don't worry if you work hard and your rewards are few, remember, the mighty oak was once a nut like you.

 

[RustyGold]

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming and crying like the passengers in his car!