Here is a Love Question

[Mighty AP]

I think a little "hybernation" may do you a world of good Lincha, time to reflect on your mistakes. When my marriage fell apart I did not date anybody for over a year despite all my friends trying to hook me up with girls they knew. I needed that time think & recognize all the stupid things I had done to help destroy my marriage. I really tried to reflect & learn from my mistakes..........change some of my bad behaviors & did not start another relationship until I felt I was in a much better place & was ready emotionally to try again. Take some time to sort out these feelings & emotions for yourself, then you'll be ready to begin a better relationship with a lucky man!

 

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[spartacus53]

Well I am with AP on this, sit back and reassess your life.

A hug? Hugging is the last thing you should be doing with this man as it will only release more emotions. I think a firm handshake is in better order.

You still have to learn to "let go" of this relationship and you aren't headed in the right direction yet. You are still holding on to a glimmer of hope and hope your ex sees things your way. These are your words, "The woman in Mexico I am sure is going to be wondering why he is putting off the divorce, I am sure she thought she had him in a bag". I think she may wise up and dump before you do.

Move on that divorce ASAP, right now he is holding all the cards because he knows you will be there for him. Divorcing him removes that second option which is you. Unless you want to be 2nd fiddle for the rest of your life, so get to filing those divorce papers stat.

 

[lincha]

Spartacus you are so funny, stat. Its a matter of money dear, two thousand at least for a divorce, I dont have and neither does he. I will be leaving Iowa in 11 days so the healing can start. I will be filing as soon as I get the money, discussed it with an attorney last week. Holding on yes, maybe a little. I know I have to get away from him so my mind can clear and I can see my future clearly. Kisses for you spart for making me laugh. Mighty thanks to you too.

 

[spartacus53]

$2000 for an uncontested divorce?

That doesn't seem right, you can get it done for a fraction of that. I would say $500 tops. You should both use the same attorney, unless there are disputes in property distribution. I would start making some phone calls. I have a great connection in Iowa too. OK, he doesn't have a degree or anything, but he looks like an attorney, and can really act the part and scare the living heck out of your ex.

 

[bbqbull]

You can file for your own divorce here in Michigan for free.
I suggest you start your paperwork when you land at your new diggs, then when things get sticky ask to see the judge and tell him you cannot possibly afford an attorney, can you provide one for me free of charge.
It happens a lot here in our state, judges normally apply high end attorneys pro-bono......or for free.
Just thinking out loud here.

Look for support groups, Google is your friend in this situation in your new locale.
I also suggest you right down your thoughts/demands now that you wish to discuss in court, ie. he make the truck payments and remove your name from the title, things like that.

Good Luck,
Mike

 

[lincha]

Spart the light is coming on slowly, but it is coming on. Even though I hurt for this man, because of the feelings I have for him I can see that what he did was abuse. Telling me that he loved me when he was doing what he was doing in Mexico, he was playing with my emotions. He is not the person that left me, he changed within months of us being separated. He will not tell me the age of the child, this would give me the timeline on when exactly he started cheating. Sometimes I pass my days in a rage wondering how he could have done this. Other times I think we are human, frail, ibut I know that someone with a good heart wouldn't have done this. Maybe my shock about this situation is because I wanted to believe in him and now I know none of it was true. He is a thief, he stole my future, my heart, my money, two and a half years of my life. I will let god be my redeemer. I will slowly gather my strength, my tears will stop, I will have a better future now that the truth is out, he was an enemy that disguised his intentions in order to get what he wanted.

 

[spartacus53]

Spart the light is coming on slowly, but it is coming on.

He is a thief, he stole my future, my heart, my money, two and a half years of my life. I will let god be my redeemer. I will slowly gather my strength, my tears will stop, I will have a better future now that the truth is out, he was an enemy that disguised his intentions in order to get what he wanted.

Ok, first things first.
1- Pay the electric bill so the light comes on quicker
2- Replace that 15 watt small appliance bulb with a 200 watt GE white light bulb, so you will see things more clearly.

You are headed in the right direction, but like everything change for the better will not happen overnight. Remember what I said earlier, you will later have to realize what you "want" and "need" in a relationship. 2 1/2 years is but a blink in your lifetime, although wasted you learned along the way, so next time just be more cautious.

 

[lincha]

Well I am supposed to leave for Texas friday but I feel scared. I am still so hurt and crying every day. My brain cannot comprehend that my life as I had planned it is gone, just like that. I ache so badly for the man that I loved but has moved on. I have been taking pain killers for the last two weeks, its the only things that stops the tears, and the feeling of my heart being crushed. What is wrong with the world. How could this woman not have enough respect to leave a married man alone, why didnt she leave me alone. I spent time with my friends on Saturday, one of my guy friends, just hugged me as I cried, he rubbed my head like you comfort a child. It felt so good just to be held again. Where do I find the strength to let this go. I only have enough pills for one more week after that I will have to deal with the pain head on. I am hoping to find two jobs when I get to Texas, working all the time and using all my energy I am hoping I will sleep again. Sleepless nights, looking out the window for a man that will not return. Where is my strength. I am living in a hopeless world right now. This is why sin is so bad, it causes so much pain.

 

[miser]

So in life should you settle for the comfortable love relationship or go for the one who makes your whole life explode.

One problem: you seldom know which one its going to be until it happens.

 

[bigscoop]

Got married (shotgun) in 77 to the perfect woman, but was too young and didn't really want to be married, after about 10 years I started playing around, lost that perfect woman. Played in the exciting, "explosive love" arena for about 5 years, but it was really lacking any inner connection. In 88 I married an explosive bombshell, beautiful woman, fantastic body, body five years later she ran off with another when I least expected it, (life's little paybacks are hell). I've been single 17 years now. In 77 there was nothing that frightened me more then being married to the same woman all my life. Now, there is no thought I appreciate, admire & respect more. I missed out on one of the truly great accomplishments and experiences in life.

 

[bigscoop]

Well I am supposed to leave for Texas friday but I feel scared. I am still so hurt and crying every day. My brain cannot comprehend that my life as I had planned it is gone, just like that. I ache so badly for the man that I loved but has moved on. I have been taking pain killers for the last two weeks, its the only things that stops the tears, and the feeling of my heart being crushed. What is wrong with the world. How could this woman not have enough respect to leave a married man alone, why didnt she leave me alone. I spent time with my friends on Saturday, one of my guy friends, just hugged me as I cried, he rubbed my head like you comfort a child. It felt so good just to be held again. Where do I find the strength to let this go. I only have enough pills for one more week after that I will have to deal with the pain head on. I am hoping to find two jobs when I get to Texas, working all the time and using all my energy I am hoping I will sleep again. Sleepless nights, looking out the window for a man that will not return. Where is my strength. I am living in a hopeless world right now. This is why sin is so bad, it causes so much pain.

This may sound harsh, but it isn't, so I'll just tell the same way a very good friend told it to me one day after he grew tired of hearing me whine. "Dude, get a grasp on the reality, and take hold of your life. You can only control what you can control in life, and that's it. For every day you sit around pouting over things you lose a day of your life, and you're only bringing the continued pain upon yourself. Worse yet, the person who is causing you so much pain still owns a piece of your as* and is still in control of your life." I couldn't believe he said all that to me that day, but he was 100% correct. Get a grip, move forward, life is very good and too valueable to waste away on the things you can't control. Not trying to be mean, just trying to enlighten you for the better. It's hard to do, but it's time to move on with life, your life, not someone else's. Don't allow an uncontrollable situation to dictate, "your life".

 

[lincha]

Get over this? I will not apologize for the time it takes me to get through all this pain. I liken this experience to a person who has been stabbed, you feel the pain, you see the knife but you are in shock you don't understand the experience, but if you the pull the knife out too quick you are most likely to die. This has been the most traumatic, horrendous thing that has happened to me. Loving someone so much, trusting him so much, and getting this back in return. I find it interesting that so many men are bothered by this post. Guess it has something to do with those of you that have cheated, irresponsible people that you have to be to do this, have no knowledge of how it destroys the women involved. Its okay to post things on here that are trivial but post real, gut wrenching emotions and it makes people very uncomfortable. This is my life, my struggle, my pain, and while I know I will survive this situation, I am still in shock. I believe it will take me years to deal with all this, only because in my innocence while I have heard of this happening to people I never thought this level of betrayal would happen to me. The grip of pain is still in my heart, letting go is still hard, I have been going to church trying to regain my strength, and while I feel a little stronger everyday I still have a long journey ahead.

 

[Mighty AP]

No need to appologize Lincha, just keep doin what makes ya happy. Everyday you will feel just a lil' bit better, some day you will look back on this as a positive experience that has enriched your life. Really.............you will!

 

[lincha]

Slime on a slug hasn't paid a truck payment, sent me any money, has changed his phone so I can't get a hold of him, says he isn't paying anything for a divorce and good luck finding him.

 

[bbqbull]

I am very very sorry to hear this Lincha.
I figured that he was low enough of a person to do this crap, you confirmed that.
I will keep you and your family in our prayers.
Hugs to ya!

Mike

 

[spartacus53]

Well maybe it's time to visit the courts and file a petition for support. Just supply them with enough information so the courts could contact the state he is residing in and they will chase him down.

 

[RGINN]

My this post has expired and I shall bury it. Stupid *ss me, I got reeled in by the woman that had a good heart. That's pretty much all that counts in the long run.

 

[S.S.Tupperware]

Oh the E-Drama... get a real man...

 

[lincha]

And life goes on.

 

[packerbacker]

I wasn't going to respond to this but I can't help myself. I think I would have known the jerk wasn't going to change, no matter what, so giving him his card was a BIG mistake. He belongs back in Mexico. We already have too many users and losers in this country and they aren't just Mexicans but, if he didn't have the card at least it would be one less. He will never be a contributer to not just you but society in general. It amazes me and most other people how cruel some guys are to women and yet the women keep taking them back. They will bad mouth the guy one day and jump into bed with them the next day. I don't know what causes that and I'm not finding fault, I'm just pointing out a reality that is beyond my understanding is all. I'm sure it's REAL feelings for you and others that go through the same experience but, like I said, beyond me. I just hope your recovery speeds up and you can begin to enjoy life to it's fullest. It's too short to waste on that fool. The time you spend thinking about how crappy he treated you is just more of your life ruined, not his. I wouldn't make a very understanding therapy guy huh? "Here, have a tissue" comes to mind.