Here is a Love Question

[vibes]

I'm, I'm speechless yet at the same time mesmerized that a fully functioning, working, contributing, loving individual would allow this to seep into their life.

But then again, this is your karma to work out lincha....just remember not to create any instant or new/raw karma.
But I AM curious as to what YOU really desire form him? A child? A marriage? Because he has NOT offered those options to you.

AGAIN...PLEASE seek the support and counseling you need to find the vivacious woman inside that needs to come out and play with other fun, mentally & physically healthy, willing playmates!

 

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[bbqbull]

I am a middle aged man in my mid 50's here.
I have thought long and hard about the hell you are going through and my heart goes out to you.

The man you helped get his citizenship is living life to the extreeme here in the US as well in Mexico.

My thoughts are as others have stated, please get some counciling.
It definately helped me when my first marriage was failing.
It took some time for me to fully figure out what was happening to me.
Guess you could say I was in some denial.

I finally dissolved my marriage and have never regretted it.

Good Luck,

Mike

 

[Mighty AP]

Well said Bull, well said!

 

[lincha]

Hey Eagledown and bbqbull thanks for the input. Vibes I want what any person wants, a marriage, the marriage we had before immigration separated us. We were happy. I know this is not going to happen. My marriage is dead. He is still here, says I am a hyprocrite because we had made plans for him to get his card and now I am denying it to him.I remind him of his lack of responsibility and that he cannot have what he is not entitled to. If he stays and works on our marriage he has a future. If he doesnt he goes back to his struggle. Mexico's economy is so bad that its people are barely existing. They have no safe existence because of the drug wars. The drug lords are in everybody's pockets. You have to pay so they leave you alone. So is this what they call a mexican standoff? I want him to stay and work on our marriage, but I know that is not what he wants. He says he cant love anyone because he doesnt even love himself at this point. So we both know he has to leave, but he hasnt yet. I cannot give him his card and maintain my dignity. I cannot allow someone else to benefit at the cost of my emotions. I know he has talked to the woman who has had his child. She will not benefit from my sacrafices either. Counseling yes I need it. Am I still strong, yes, Am I in denial, yes. We had a decent day Sunday went to church, went out to eat. Came home and watched tv. Then last night he came home in such a rage. He is up and down, he needs to go I know it and he knows it. I love him but I know this cannot go on, I have to love myself more. It is just so hard to let go. I am crying every day, my marriage ending is a death of something I had such hopes for and just like that all those years matter for nothing they are dashed on the rocks, now just sadness remains. I feel like a failure right now.

 

[Mighty AP]

You did not fail Lincha.........he did. Sometimes you can bust your butt & do everything possible but things still fall apart. Thats just the way it is in life. Sounds like you've recognized that its a done deal, dont beat yourself up over this, move on & move up, dont make the same mistakes again & you'll be OK. I really hope you can get past this.

 

[bbqbull]

Lincha do me a huge favor here please.
I would take the card and lock it up in a saftey deposit box or give it to a very trusted family member or friend.
I would also tell the trusted friend the entire story in case something happens to you.....God forbid.

Then I want you to look in a mirror and repeat this statement " I matter, I count!"
You haven't done anything wrong, your in the same position that I was.......denial and questioning your self worth.

Get some counciling and remember......." I matter, I count".

PM me if you wish to chat more in pvt.

I am not a professional mental health person, just an older guy who has been through an awful lot in my life.

 

[Mighty AP]

............"you matter, you count."
I like that.

 

[lincha]

He is gone he moved out today. He confessed that he had been living with this woman up to the day he came back to the U.S. His card went with him, my mother told me to let him have it, so at least he can pay for the truck we still owe on, and the money I spent on him. If he doesn't send me any payments in a month or so. I will contact immigration to get this taken care of legally. Never ending story, done. I will be moving to Texas in five weeks to get away from all the memories. He said he was sorry for hurting me, he didn't mean for this to happen, that he would pay me back all I spent. Asked me to forgive him. Told him I couldn't. Asked him who is going to pay me back for all my sacrifices all my emotions, my self respect, I feel like I have been kicked in the stomach, heart ripped to shreds. Its done.

 

[Mighty AP]

Hang in there Linda, it will get better.......I promise you, time heals all wounds.

 

[bbqbull]

Lincha I just want to wish you the best of luck in your future.
It will be very very tough for a while but your worst nightmare has just went away, hopefully for good.
Have you contacted your loan company of the truck to let them know he is supposed to make the payments/
Good luck, my offer still stands if you wish to chat on the phone.

Mike

 

[spartacus53]

I am glad to hear that it's finally over, now you can get on with your life. What you were looking for was not with him, so I would just kick back for a while and settle down. Although you might not want to hear this, it was for the best that you both parted ways. You were in a very unhealthy relationship and that will take a quicker toll on your health than a broken heart will. A broken heart can heal, but being unhealthy can lead to an early death. You can't force someone to be with you, ever. That is just wrong and I mean that for any 2 people in a relationship. When you move, make sure you leave all your "relationship baggage" behind, there is no need to carry it with you. I wish you well in your second and new life. Go out and make some new friends.

P.S. Just look at me, I'm god's gift to women and I'm still single.

P.S.S. I didn't say it was a good gift either

If you can laugh again, you will heal all the more quicker

 

[vibes]

lincha,

I'm glad he finally manned-up and did the right thing. Also I am glad your mom said to give him the card, smart move and she's a wise woman for knowing that it was the smart thing to do!


Now about this forgiveness stuff....I sure hope you can, one day, find it in your heart to forgive him, otherwise he'll ALWAYS have control or a hold over you....forgiveness is powerful and freeing. Please do trust me on that one!!!! Forgive and move on to a happier, healthier you...that's what life is all about, the happy and joy...oh and a whole lotta fun so grab ya some!

 

[spartacus53]

It always comes down to the same ol' dilemma: money or looks.....

I am glad I am not alone.

We should form a support group or something!

Well I go by a wise old saying, "I was born with nothing and still have most of it left". All said, I think Linda got some good feedback. Although it appears she was looking for a different answer, I think she finally saw the light at the end of a tunnel. Last time that happened to me I was almost hit by a train

 

[Mighty AP]

It always comes down to the same ol' dilemma: money or looks.....

I am glad I am not alone.

We should form a support group or something!

Last time that happened to me I was almost hit by a train

Did I mention that my ex-wife ran me over with her car THREE times??

 

[Mighty AP]

It always comes down to the same ol' dilemma: money or looks.....

I am glad I am not alone.

We should form a support group or something!

Last time that happened to me I was almost hit by a train

Did I mention that my ex-wife ran me over with her car THREE times??

When you hit a manly man with a car it only rubs the tattoos off onto the paint job.

she would have been better off complaining about you to your mother, or MY mother for that matter....

Oh she did plenty of that too. Tell your mother hello for me.

 

[vibes]

Perhaps we are all learning to be our authentic selves

 

[bbqbull]

Perhaps we are all learning to be our authentic selves

Nawwwwww......I have always been me.
Sometimes I don't say anything but just think.
Other times I never shut up!

Saving lives for a living and putting out their fires takes its toll on a person for sure.

I am a man that my doctor described as a middle aged man who has the body of a 90 yr. old man.
Others have told me I have the experience of well over ten 100 year old men FWIW.
Huh?

My only concern is Lynchia.

 

[lincha]

I hurt, I cry I ache. Yet I see the kind words you people post, those of you who dont even really know me. Im just a person behind a keyboard yet you people care for me more than the person who was supposed to care and respect me. He told me he would call, he hasnt, he told me he would give me some money from his paycheck this week, he probably will not. Yet you people are there. My daughters, my parents have been here for me these last few days. I try to make sense out of a senselless situation. Only thing I can think of is that everytime he uses the documents I provided him with he will have to think of me and know he is not worthy of the benefits he is using. The pain in my body will not let me sleep or eat, I have to get over this. My head hurts from all the crying. But I wil not let him break me, I didnt deserve this. Spart thanks for making me laugh. Mighty, everyone else thank you also.

 

[spartacus53]

You just have to give it some time, some realistic time must pass before the healing even starts. If he said he would help with money, I hope he is a man of his word and does so. Making the choice as he had to make whether right, or wrong was not an easy one for him, or you in this case. The good part is that you can start anew and that is all you should be thinking about for now. Even though it still hurts as it should, healing can finally start now and it's not an overnight fix, so keep that in mind.

The good part is that you now have a family support team to help you sort through these matters. The only other thing you should start and perhaps over the weekend is a hobby. Have you tried metal detecting yet? That is supposed to be a relaxing hobby

Some here would even would give their number so that you could talk to them. I'll put my number right here, right now, so that I can help you, or anyone else (1-908-555-1212) After you dial make sure you enter the special promo code # S-53 then you will get my discounted pricing plan. Otherwise, it will cost $2.99/per minute. :P

 

[lincha]

Well I saw my husband today for about an hour and a half. We talked, he is still full of anger as I am. He did give me a little bit of money. Asked him if was ready to file for divorce he says we should wait 5 or 6 months, says he feels like he made the biggest mistake of his life and he doesn't like feeling that way. We agreed to try not to bad mouth each other or hurt each other more, as we are both miserable right now. Splitting up the items he wants and the things I want. I feel scared to make the changes that I have to make, not sure why I am feeling that way guess I have just been waiting for him so long to come back to our life and I am realizing that the person that I loved, that loved me, doesn't exist anymore. Its hard for the brain to comprehend this thought. I hugged him and he hugged me, the separation that we had to endure was just to much of a strain on our marriage, bad choices, not enough faith everything we had is just gone. I know this will take years to get over the experience we both had to live, how can loving be the best thing in the world, and the most miserable at the same time. I so much want to be held by someone right now, but until I get over all these emotions I have nothing to offer anyone right now. Guess I will just have to get used to being alone for sometime to come. The woman in Mexico I am sure is going to be wondering why he is putting off the divorce, I am sure she thought she had him in a bag. I reminded him that how could he think that a relationship with her would work when It started out bad because it hurt me so much and it was wrong of them to get involved in the first place. We pay for all the choices we make in life. Right now I am going to hibernate for awhile, lick my wounds, learn from this experience and hopefully later on I will be stronger person in spite of this experience.