old sayings please add yours

[poorhunter78]

Its locked up tighter than fort knox

 

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[Old Dog]

A couple things my Grandpop used to use...

You are gonna get the fuz knocked of you.

If it looks like a duck walks and sounds like a duck ...

Life is like groomin a horse, worry about de tail last.

Don't squat wearin spurs

When you go to dig a new outhouse hole, Make sure the well isn't too close.

Soft talk and hard work will have folks listening sooner than if you yell.

ignorance is bliss, you just can't fix stoopid.

 

[Atlanta Mi Dave]

A lady said to me that my newborn daughter was cuter than a 'fart blossom'. Not sure if that was a compliment or not.

 

[truckinbutch]

Put that boy's brain in a hummingbird's azz and the poor bird would fly backward !

One boy helping on a job equals 2/3 of a man . 2 boys = 1/2 of a man . 3 boys = you should have just done the darn job yourself 'cause you got no help at all

 

[allan]

boy, you have enough dirt behind those ears to grow potato's and then the November and December favorite, we are going to see a man about a horse..... for years my brothers and I expected a horse on Christmas day

 

[Toby1858]

Once I thought I was wrong,..............But I was mistaken. The MAIN THING is to keep the MAIN THING the MAIN THING!

 

[stefen]

Oops

 

[Old Dog]

If a kid wasn't tall enough to reach something ...
"Hang on, I'll get you a cigarett paper to stand on."

Not having tractors and such we had to pull the feed wagon around inside the barn.
If a kid was too light to pull the load...
"You need to put a turd in yer pocket, makes you heavier."

 

[savant365]

I don't remember who used this one all the time but it would apply to metal detectorist for sure:

"Every dog has his day"

 

[dogbeak]

but a dog with a short tail has a "weekend" (weak)

 

[stefen]

Tail waggin the dog...

 

[savant365]

When someone gets lucky:

"Even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while"

 

[Cachefinder]

Grandpa used to say~

"never eat/dine at a place with the word "EATS" in the title."

"never trust a man that says "Trust Me"

"if it says "just like home cooking" it is a lie"
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High School Baseball Coach -- nowadays he would have been sued!

"ill rip off your head, and spit in the hole"

"ill rip off your arm and beat you with the bloody stub"

"get that horse-sh%t out of your mouths" (-chewing tobacco-)

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"stop doing what is not working and look for something new"

"live, laugh, and love"

"never fight with a pregnant lady"

 

[Old Dog]

"never fight with a pregnant lady"

True indeed !
Those extra hormones give em super strength.

 

[diggummup]

Besides being "colder than a well digger's ass. It could also be "colder than a witches tit". Also it's "better to be pissed off than pissed on".
And you could be "dumber than a box of rocks" as well as a "couple beers shy of a 6 pack" and as "worthless as tits on a boar".

 

[Excavator]

"Nice guess, but even a broken watch is right twice a day."

"Slow down, you're wound tighter than a two dollar watch."

"Hotter than a two dollar pistol."

If you just had a tool for that job... "Well, if a frog had wings, it wouldn't bump it's 'butt' when it hops."

"I'm so hungry, I could eat the south end of a northbound mule."
____________________________________
Not sure if I made this one up or got it through osmosis:

Me: Does this look info look right the way I have written it?

Co-worker: Yes, that's exactly right.

Me: Oh good, I thought maybe my clutch was slipping.

 

[savant365]

"It's time to fish or cut bait"

"Sh!t or get off the pot"

 

[Mental Granny]

Yes I want gum but not ABC gum!

 

[Excavator]

Ears burning = someone talking about you

Nose itching = someone coming to visit

Palm itching = money coming to you

"Get up out of bed and get the stink blowed off you!" (neighbor kid's Dad getting the kids up for school)

 

[savant365]

My drill Sgts. had some good ones but this post would disappear in a heartbeat if I posted them