Vets, 9-11, PTSD, First Responders, Women, (no conspiracy stuff please)

[BloodyBelle]

I spun this off of the True Story 9-11 prediction thread I started
http://forum.treasurenet.com/index.php/topic,347147.0.html


I was there. If you weren't there you'll never know the immensity of the devastation--the pulverization--the size of the area. It can't be expressed on a TV screen or in images--in cropped pictures. In pictures at all. And the stench that extended for miles for months...

I am a very tough cookie. I don't rattle easy. Carnage? Ho hum. (But if my kid has a cut or my dog sliced it's paw? Entirely different story, then I'm a moron.) I went in as part of a team. I experienced what I've never felt before--profound fear. I'm a last name person--meaning I'm accustomed to being referred to by, and introduce my self as _______ my surname. I was saying to myself while negotiating the thick yellow fog--You really did it this time _____. Oh you really did it this time. Happy with yourself now? (Hey guys where's the respiratory guy? Did we lose the respiratory guy? "No he's here." Visibility was bad.) I can't do this. Hey y'all, I gotta go, oops, sorry! I just remembered I left a pot of water boiling on the stove--meatloaf in the oven--an infant in a crib--how the hell can I get out of here? You really did it this time ______. But there was no way I would leave a team.

And I will never ever discuss any of it (GZ) here but for this one post.

To this day I still regard the worst thing about being at the WTC GZ was coming back out. For one thing, I don't think I ever laughed so hard in my life as I had with the other lunatics down there--noteable because I haven't really laughed since--well not unless I'm hanging with VFW's, NYFD guys, ex-Marines, or EMT's, which only happened maybe 3x ever because of serendipity only. Another thing is how "civilians" just go through life 'tripping the light fantastic' plus don't get me at all. Why am I so isolated? Practically no one will get this, and I wouldn't have believed it myself until I experienced it and then would only conclude so after years, and I do put it crudely because I am incapable of prettying this one up: If you don't have a dick you weren't there. Yup. (However, the VA just recently expanded the definition of "military sexual trauma" after observing female vets like they couldn't before because of the numbers. MST? A woman doesn't even have to be touched to get this Dx. I was thrilled to hear this because nobody would believe me, but I never doubted myself.

 

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[TerryC]

Hey BB,
Tell me about PTSD. Two tours in Viet Nam. I'm now 61 and STILL can't sleep at night..... without the Zolpidem (ambien cr) I get every month from the VA. 100% disabled, taking a "trail mix" of pills for this and that... etc etc. If someone needs to get humble, they should visit a VA center and see what misery really is. I like your post.... and.... Sempre Fi (OOORAH) TTC
People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because
rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf. George Orwell

 

[BloodyBelle]

OORAH!

You made my day big guy.

I hope more pipe in. It's okay you males, I never hung out with girls much anyway. But if there's a chick around here who gets the sans penis part--oh please do pipe in.

 

[bbqbull]

You two folks are not alone.
I worked 29 years fulltime firefighter/emt.
Retired duty disabled from bagging up too many babies and little children that were mutilated or burn't beyond recogition.
If I am lucky I get 2 hours of sleep a day, despise watching the news and reading newspapers.
I could go on for days but I don't have the time today.
Most days I just don't care anymore.

 

[TerryC]

You two folks are not alone.
I worked 29 years fulltime firefighter/emt.
Retired duty disabled from bagging up too many babies and little children that were mutilated or burn't beyond recogition.
If I am lucky I get 2 hours of sleep a day, despise watching the news and reading newspapers.
I could go on for days but I don't have the time today.
Most days I just don't care anymore.

My hat goes off to you, bbqbull. And all the other firefighters of this land. I was a career cop. As such, I could chase a bad guy down a dark ally and he may or may not chose to kill me. Fire don't quit, yet you still go in! (insert deep bow here with hat in hand) TTC

 

[bbqbull]

You two folks are not alone.
I worked 29 years fulltime firefighter/emt.
Retired duty disabled from bagging up too many babies and little children that were mutilated or burn't beyond recogition.
If I am lucky I get 2 hours of sleep a day, despise watching the news and reading newspapers.
I could go on for days but I don't have the time today.
Most days I just don't care anymore.

My hat goes off to you, bbqbull. And all the other firefighters of this land. I was a career cop. As such, I could chase a bad guy down a dark ally and he may or may not chose to kill me. Fire don't quit, yet you still go in! (insert deep bow here with hat in hand) TTC

You sir thank you but ......oh hell no!
I was handed a shotgun more than once to help clear houses of homicides and other close calls.
Law enforcement folks are just as brave as firefighters in my book, bar none.
I have been there, done both jobs and both are extreemly dangerous.
In my neck of the woods, law enforcement never helped us firefighters ever bag up remains, they somehow made themselves scarce during that time.
They were doing their jobs, we were doing ours.

This is a great thread that was started here, most folks will not talk about..
Sad part is your employer treats you like sheit, workers comp. folks treat you even worse.
I had visited all the head docs in our city, they all agreed that my mind was fried.
The comp. folks were running me 100 miles one way hoping to find a naysayer, ever other damned day.
The general population has no idea what us affected folks went through, including a horrid divorce because my wife of 20 yrs said I was faking it........o....k....
It is real 24 hours a day of the pain and agony that I revisit almost per minute, hour, daily and when I hear tragic news.

 

[BloodyBelle]

You two folks are not alone.
I worked 29 years fulltime firefighter/emt.
Retired duty disabled from bagging up too many babies and little children that were mutilated or burn't beyond recogition.
If I am lucky I get 2 hours of sleep a day, despise watching the news and reading newspapers.
I could go on for days but I don't have the time today.
Most days I just don't care anymore.

We know we aren't alone, except maybe literally. Maybe we should kick in and make our own 'hood. That would work for me.

PM me any time.

And thank you for your service!

 

[nsdq]

what is sleep ? have done much nov 15/16 2003 mosul iraq after the shoot down of a uh 60L hawk, i never wanted to sort my buddies parts out of burned helio

 

[CaptainRobin]

You folks are not alone. I appreciate your service. I'm diganosed CHRONIC PTSD, 60% service connected physical disabled. Sleep? What's that? Sometimes, and never a deep relaxing one. Nightmares most times. Y'all are absolutly right, the civilian pouplation ain't got a clue of what military, LEO, FD and EMT go through and how they come to be the way they are. And as TTC stated, you want to see some real suffering, just visit a VA medical facility. It WILL humble you.
Robin

 

[Raimond]

I respect all persons who fight to defend, rush to aid and work to heal America(ns). Every one of those mentioned in this post play a key role in keeping America free and safe. I did 25 years in the military (50% disabled) and was a volunteer firefighter/EMT prior to that. Not claiming to have scene it all but enough to know that we are never completely safe even when we work together. Many people in America take for granted just what they receive for free without considering what it costs someone else. Be it a Firefighter running into a dangerous building, an EMT doing CPR while traffic continues to move in the next lane, a Officer-of-the-law responding to a domestic violence call or a Border Patrol agent out-numbered 5 to 1 attempting to stop illegals and drug runners. The list is long and each job has it's hero's and those that are not mentioned but still a valuable member of the profession. The Military gets most of the attention during difficult times while every day and night the others clock in not knowing what the day will hold for them.
I salute them all, everyday!
Semper Fi