Dave, in-lieu of such an answer, then what do you if:
a) she merely uses such a stance to simply do the same to you, in return? In other words, if there's something she wants to do (spend all your hard-earned money, for instance, on shopping for the 100th pair of shoes), and she just goes and does it, with no input or weight at all, to your objections? I mean, afterall, you did that to her, with your detecting, so what's to stop her from doing that with anything she wants to do? And thus she neglects things she *could* be doing like laundry, dishes, cooking, etc... (things you might have grown accustomed to in the "give and take") ? And if you object to the fact she's not pulling her share, or being cozy when you're in the mood, she can merely cite your attitude about disappearing whenever you feel like metal detecting? I mean, doesn't it work both ways? You'd have no room to object, since afterall, you just did what you nilly-willy felt like, whenever you wanted. Or:
Well in my case I have been with the same woman for almost 17 years. She couldn’t spend my hard earned money since we do not have a joint bank account or joint credit cards. We will discuss major purchases or vacation choices, or other items that are of importance. We both contribute to common bills such as rent and such, but her money is hers and my money is mine. I normally pay the majority of the bills and I cook and clean better than her anyway, not that I expect her to cook or clean for me, I’m not a king. So if she wants to buy shoes, a purse, jewelry or whatever she wants, she can. She works hard for her money and can treat herself to things if she chooses. She goes on trips with her girlfriends and does not need to beg me for permission. It's the same with me. If I want to go fishing, to the gun range, or metal detecting I go. Sometimes she comes with me, most times she doesn't. That's ok. The only real trouble we had early on was over my firearms. She didn't like them. Well 17 years later she is still here and so are my guns. Now she wants her own. Go figure.
b) you have such a stance, and she gives you the ultimatum:
" If you go metal detecting all the time like that, then go find someone else, because I'm not sticking around here alone while you go out detecting all the time." (In other words, it seems to threaten divorce. )
I feel if a man or woman threatens divorce because their partner has a hobby, then they are insecure and have other issues that need addressing by a licensed professional. I guess I am lucky the woman I am with is not a clingy drama queen. Sounds like these type of people have control issues.
What do you do in either of these scenarios? I too have heard this "boundries" psychology that you espouse (ie.: not letting people run your life, etc...), but often wonder how it can work, if both people "announce" things that end up being contrary to each other. I'm very curious. Certainly it's not logical to simply walk out on someone for trivial reasons, but on the other hand, it's not logical to allow your life to be run by the other person too
Fetch your balls from her purse and go detecting.
