An original Treasure Net Story

[Leon]

... a large wooden grate. The type of crate used by soldiers during the civil war to store their ammunition. It had a small brass plate in the upper corner with the words "My Treasure" crudely stamped into it. They all started yelling, " We found it, we found it...", as they danced around like a group of young school kids who were just released from their last day of school. Aunt Martha, not one to beat around the bush and who was still a little hung over from the night before said, "Well, lets get it out of the hole so we can see what old Buford has left us. The two men cleared the remaining dirt from around the crate and proceeded to carry it back to the old shack. After finally reaching the shack Aunt Martha waisted no time in grabbing a shovel to pry the lid from the old crate. As the lid slowly opened they couldn't believe what their eyes were seeing. It was a treasure alright. It was (24) old Mason jars with some of old Bufords best made shine inside. Aunt Martha, with a disgusted look on her face, proceeded to grab one of jars and started drinking the contents. She looked at the other two and said, "You all might as well grab ya a jar. It looks like this little adventure isn't over yet..".

 

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[Gypsy Heart]

I hate to interrupt this story....but I would like to negotiate movie rights.......

 

[Leon]

I hate to interrupt this story....but I would like to negotiate movie rights.......

Who knows,,, this just may be the next big treasure movie of the year...
It's get'n good.

 

[Kentucky Kache]

Hilbert awoke from his stupor. He had dreamt that cousin Z,
a former army capt., had broke in and drunk all the moonshine.
Z then got on the computer and began ranting about politics.

"There's no time for that", Hilbert yelled. "We have a treasure to find".

 

[buscadero]

.....But his words fell on deaf ears as Hilbert slowly attempted to focus his bleary eyes on the scene enfolding before him. For there lay....

 

[bakergeol]

Cousin Z, a former army capt, lying on the floor covered in his own filth babbling poltical rants.

It was no dream. After dragging the Mason jars full of moonshine back to the cabin the trio decided to take a break and sample their treasure find. Well one thing led to another. The last thing Hank and Hilbert remember seeing(before passing out) was Aunt Martha wildly dancing on the table shouting "We will find that treasure yet boys!".

Unfortunately while they were sleeping, cousin Z had INDEED broke in and drank the rest of the moonshine. He INDEED had got on Martha's computer to make political rants. He was still there on the floor in a drunken stupor when the trio awoke from their drunken escapade.

"What are we going to do to cousin Z?" asked the cockeyed man. "Not only has that ####### drunk all our moonshine but he has made a mockery of our treasure hunt" . After a few seconds Aunt Martha spoke " I know what we can do to that son of a #####. Let's.....

 

[buscadero]

...Tell everyone we know that amidst all the drunkenness, Cousin Z was heard to tearfully mutter, " I loved Nixon", over & over again".

 

[Monty]

Aunt Martha looked at the scene through her bloodshot swollen eyes as the Capt. writhed on the ground and shouted out nonsensical epitaphs. "It's the curse I tell ya', it's got him good!" "He'll spend eterinity in the grip of the curse, never amounting to no good, when he could have changed the world as we know it!" "Why Marthie, that was profound", said Hilbert. "What ? Killed yer hound?", she said , apparently her moment of lucidity having passed. She drew another deep slug from a fruit jar, shook her head and looked around, pretending to.................

 

[nhbenz]

...be in no particular rush. But she knew that her hired guns would be at the scene soon. She knelt down and looked at Cousin Z's watch. Spiro's arms indicated it was 10:40. She wondered if maybe she should have...

 

[stoney56]

kept at least one jar as a memento and for a bit of medicinal use. Looking over at all the jars and lid strewn about, she spies an upturned lid with a bit of paper sticking out between the zinc lid and porcelain liner. She staggers over and....

 

[omnicognic]

Discovers it is a receipt for a video camera and instructions for...

 

[Mona Lisa]

.......putting Nettie, the sea serpent, who guards the REAL Treasurenetville treasure into a deep trance. On the paper was written a ancient chant that would put Nettie into a stupor.........and also instructions to whomever found the moonshine to use the movie camera to film...............

 

[buscadero]

.....a Video to send to something called,"TN"! What the....? She thinks! Oh Well, Maybe one of the others know!
Suddenly, She wonders if she should tell the others that they drew the Map upside down! "It's the other side of the Oak", She mutters to herself. Then looking down at Cousin Z lying there with that Pickled expression on his face! "Damn closet Republican, that's all he is!"
She then turns to fetch a shovel to.....

 

[Jeffro]

scratch the rest of that map off his belly, before anyone else figures it out. You see, Auntie was really.....

 

[bakergeol]

"my aunt Millie's uncle's brother's cousin's gardener's son-in-law's great great great grandmother's sister's best friend's step-niece's evil twin named Sarsaparilla Parilla. She was an evil evil woman....but she did make a great apple pie.

/quote]

 

[stoney56]

Sarsaparilla also saw in the ancient looking box lying not far from Hilbert a small family bible that contained....

 

[Kentucky Kache]

...a sealed envelope.

 

[buscadero]

...containing another sealed envelope with To Be Opened Only By Aunt Millies uncle's, brother's, cousin's, gardener's, son-in-law's, great, great, great grandmother's sister's best friend's, step-niece's evil twin....

 

[bakergeol]

Hilbert said " Well since aunt Sarsaparilla is not here and as I am the rightfull heir to the treasure I will open it". Aunt Martha could say nothing. Inside was on old tattered piece of paper with most of the writing long ago worn away. Hilbert read for a few minutes and suddenly stopped and gasped. He then said listen to this " The treasure is buried on the NORTH side of the oak tree". "Do you know what this means?" asked Hilbert. "Yes" said the cockeyed old man " Now I can wipe this damn lipstick of my chest". "No" said Hilbert " We dug on the wrong side of the oak tree"
"OK" said Aunt Martha let's get organized here. "First throw some water on cousin Z here I want to be able to keep an eye on him and beside he smells pretty bad." This was done and quickly cousin Z was revived. After cousin Z was revived he said "Why am I completed naked". Hilbert giggled and said " Why do you have a heart tattoo with the words "I love Nixon" on your butt?". Cousin Z said...

 

[Kentucky Kache]

"Gosh", and he giggled like a little girl.