An original Treasure Net Story

[Jeffro]

filled to the brim with silver coins!

"Hmmmm I wonder what else ol' Burford had hidden down here" Aunt Martha mused.

"Well, I haven't got much else, been waitin' down here in the shadows for what seems like eons for someone to finally figure out that ol' map I drew!" Came a voice from the darkness.....

 

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[buscadero]

"It can't be! Is that you, Burford?" whispered Aunt Martha. Her thoughts were suddenly interupted by Hilbert's screams of, "OMG, It is, It's Gold! The whole damn place is carved out of solid Gold!"
"I'm rich, I'm rich", cried Martha! Then looking at the others a little sheepishly, "I mean, We're Rich!"

Meanwhile, nobody seemed to notice, as Martha slowly slipped her hand into her genuine Ronco apron & pulled out a..........

 

[Kentucky Kache]

...chicken let. "Forgot to eat lunch", she said, and proceeded to
pig out. Just then...

 

[Monty]

Elvis strode into the beam of the flashlights. "Thank ya, Thank ya vury much!" "Who is Borford?" "It's me, tha' King!" "Now would one of you knuckleheads get me a cold beer and a ham sandwich?" "Oh, and a chocolate cake,"and some ice cream?" "I'm Starvin'!"at which time Hilbert.........

 

[Kentucky Kache]

...said,come on, guys, let's look around and see what all is here.
"Where did those voices come from", he asked.
"That room" said Martha. When they rounded the corner they were
hit with shock. "This is where the voices were coming from?" He asked.

 

[Kentucky Kache]

Everyone stood, frozen in their tracks. Elvis had vanished, and so had the chicken leg.

 

[Jeffro]

Hmmm..... coincidence? I think not! Still fumbling around in the dark when suddenly....

 

[buscadero]

...the sound of chanting could be heard by all. ED...WAR....DS, ED...WAR...DS! WHERE...ARE YOUUUUUU? "Look, Martha!, It's the Legion of Liberal Losers," snickered Burford. "I always wondered where they went after the Election?" "I think I see Stevenson, Humphrey, McGovern,
& Look, there's Mondale, Dukakis,Gore, & Kerry!" "It's a pathetic sight alright, Burford", exclaimed Aunt Martha.
Burford suddenly spoke up, "There's other rooms here too!" "Let's go see!" A loud OOOHHHHH.....

 

[Monty]

and on the wall was a large faded black and white sign that said, "HMS TITANIC". Water came flooding into the corridor and began to rise to ankle level, then to knee level and then.......

 

[nhbenz]

"The bird" he squeaked out... "on the window sill... it knew... it KNEW"... Continuing, he gasped out "It has been said that ..."

 

[stoney56]

"Chatter, chatter as I flow,
To join the brimming river,
Men may come, and men
may go, But I go on forever."

This key will open a portal leading to riches beyond the dreams of avarice but beware there are many dangers in this land of the lost including......

 

[buscadero]

....the Mysteries of Phillip's Farm guards the site of the "Golden Gravel!" "What does it all mean?" exclaims Burford! "Who knows?", Martha mumbles under her breath. "A whole lot of gibberish to me!" "And you, Burford, gettin' us all excited over that Golden Tunnel that turned out to be Fools Gold!" "Let's go, I can feel filthy lucre in my bones!" "Look over there," cries Burford. "Is that really......

 

[buscadero]

...portal, then disappeared before our very eyes! But a hearty laugh behind us & the stench of sulfur made us turn as one to see an apparition from Hades!
It was the notorious, Captain Reddie Whip, the Irish Spitfire! The most feared bloodthirsty Pyrate of them all! "I smell Treasure, I do!"
She growled! Someone best tell me where or feel my blade in their gizzard!" Arrrr! She then approached Burford & snarled, "And who be you, I say?" Well, Burford managed a bit of courage & pushed the Cutlass blade aside, then was heard to say,"Don't hurt me, I'll show you the Treasure!" Here, by the stairs, a Kings Ransom in Silver!"
Capt. Reddie Whip then raised her blade to press agin Burford's Jugular. "By all that's unholy, you best tell me true,or we be measuring this landlubber for his chains!" She grabs a fistful of Silver, puts it up to her good eye, then hurls it at Burford! "Ye call that Treasure! That be half Clad & half Pull Tab! Avast, ye bilge rat, I say again, Where the Treasure be?" Grrrr! "It's the Black Spot to ye then, it is!"
Martha manages a "We don't........

 

[Spitfire Reddie]

...portal, then disappeared before our very eyes! But a hearty laugh behind us & the stench of sulfur made us turn as one to see an apparition from Hades!
It was the notorious, Captain Reddie Whip, the Irish Spitfire! The most feared bloodthirsty Pyrate of them all! "I smell Treasure, I do!"
She growled! Someone best tell me where or feel my blade in their gizzard!" Arrrr! She then approached Burford & snarled, "And who be you, I say?" Well, Burford managed a bit of courage & pushed the Cutlass blade aside, then was heard to say,"Don't hurt me, I'll show you the Treasure!" Here, by the stairs, a Kings Ransom in Silver!"
Capt. Reddie Whip then raised her blade to press agin Burford's Jugular. "By all that's unholy, you best tell me true,or we be measuring this landlubber for his chains!" She grabs a fistful of Silver, puts it up to her good eye, then hurls it at Burford! "Ye call that Treasure! That be half Clad & half Pull Tab! Avast, ye bilge rat, I say again, Where the Treasure be?" Grrrr! "It's the Black Spot to ye then, it is!"
Martha manages a "We don't........

Arrrrghhhhh !! blasphemy !! Capin' Reddie will get ye fur such ! Get ready fur a Keelhauling ye Landlubber !

 

[buscadero]

know where..... (Suddenly a shot echos thru the Cavern), "BACK OFF, LASS!" is heard. CAP/SEN./V.P Capt. Z slowly walks to the center of the Room, an UZI cradled in his right arm. "I'm the real Cap'n here, & don't forget it!" "Where's the Gold?" "It's needed to provide Free Homes, Cars, & Hookers to all the Undocumented Foreign Nationals seeking the American Dream!" "Just imagine, Free Limo Service to cross the Border in!"Welcome Wagons every 100 yards." "With Luck, I might get to even shake hands with Jimmy Carter!" "Now out of my way!" "I need that Gold!" His mind crazed with greed,& dreams of becomming the No.1. Bleeding Heart, the Cap'n slowly backs away. But before anyone can warn him, he trips on..........

 

[Monty]

...righteous indignation and now he was back to his old self. There was a sudden earth jarring explosion when two hundred pounds of TNT exploded and killed everyone not already dead. They had finally tripped the man trap! The world collapsed on the hole and it looked as if there was never a tree there let alone an entrance. None of the THers were ever seen again and a new hidden treasure story began to circulate.

***I had to end this story somewhere so why not now? That was fun, we'll do it again some time. This one got so out of hand I couldn't keep all the characters straight! Next time let's just stick with one or two liners and don't include any actual real persons. Apologies to Cap'n Z, but you took it well. Monty

 

[Kentucky Kache]

All in fun cousin Z Cap Z.

 

[bakergeol]

Yes Capt Z took it in great humor.
Also apologies to the Vice President Dick Cheney- We were just
kidding so could you please call off my IRS audit?

George

 

[Mona Lisa]

That was a blast, Marty. Lets do it again soon!!

I'll do the "illlustrations!"

 

[buscadero]

contract. A gigantic Black Hole swallowing all the past & present Treasures into oblivion, except......