Wrote out this post before coming here and see that I get to post it right after someone who is very familiar to me when it comes to a quit smoking thread.
Here goes......
I was kinda thinking this morning after checking out the vibe on this thread that y'all don't want me here and are probably thinking "oh yeah, Mr.Quit smoking with his holier than thou speech about ego and belligerent smokers, blah, blah, blah."
I had more on my mind this morning as there's issues between me and my G.F. and I wrote out an e-mail expressing these "issues" and left the house to go on a simple errand.
I was heading down a street that I have been traveling daily for years.
Right through a school zone that I've faithfully slowed down to the mandatory reduced speed limit every time while looking at the same van that's set up with radar and a camera.
The same van I've taunted daily, calling him a vulture (and other choice words) saying "you'll never get me as I'm mindful of school zones!"
So anyway, as soon as I left the house, I was blurting things out loud in my car on the way about the absurdity of this and that in my relationship, when all of a sudden a see a flash and "open my eyes " to see I was speeding in that school zone.
I know for a fact that a $300 ticket will be sent out in the mail.
Of course the first thoughts were to blame it on this relationship and it's problems for completely consuming my mind, giving me a lack of awareness.
Thankfully, the other side of me said "We'll see about that when I get home and sit down to reflect upon what just happened."
This is the spiritual side that doesn't accept that I'm a victim of circumstances; that everything happens for a reason and events like this could be message that the Universe is trying to send me.
At the very least, it always ends up being a lesson (and experience) which is valuable, provided we look at it as a lesson with acceptance.
Well, it didn't take long while in contemplation before I realized (again) that my attitude overall these days is unacceptable.
I try to be a peaceful guy who knows that love is the ultimate answer this planet needs but when I get behind that wheel ..........
Everyone is a stupid driver. I loose patience fast. I swear like a sailor and call people the worst things and I don't even know them.
I get so worked up. I'm a perfectionist and have had 5 major accidents that were all ruled the other driver's fault.
I have trauma from that. Every flaw that every driver makes, eats away at me.

I want everyone to get off the road and it should be left for me and my perfect driving abilities.......
Um, excuse me but who just got a speeding ticket in a school zone? Oh, I was distracted just like those other drivers!
Let's do a Duckshot one here.....
It was me who was behind the wheel. I was driving and it was my car that went speeding through a school zone.
No one else was driving my car at the time.....
Back to my style: Look at the energy I'm creating when behind that wheel. I'm adding to the chaos in the world; not helping it like I should be.
There's been many times over the years when I got impatient and sped past as soon as there's an opening only to ask myself why I behaved this way and how lucky I was that there wasn't a cop nearby.
Based on the attitude I described in the previous paragraph, I accepted the fact that I DESERVE to get a ticket!
I let my ego run rampant behind that wheel like a bratty child that is given little to no discipline.
The Universe says "never mind about the incident, look at your attitude while driving as a whole. Time to pay your dues!"
Oh it doesn't stop there and I'm not sparing anyone of a long post. Sorry eh!
#Edit: Was going to continue explaining my poor attitude in other aspects which would leave everyone thinking "This guy's an A-hole" but that's not entirely me. It's my ego.
Yeah, I tricked my ego long enough to quit smoking but it's still running amok, causing me problems elsewhere.
Didn't want any products to help me quit as I knew where the roots of the addiction started from.
I won a battle but I didn't defeat my ego or win the war.
Einstein said "you cannot solve a problem with the same sort of thinking that created it."
Do you think that you can quit smoking with the same mind that got you started?
Tell me this: Does defensiveness, agitation, irritation, anxiety, stress, temptation, emptiness, self-sabotage, impatience, temper, habitual-ism, (to name a few!) etc.
come from the heart or from the mind/ego?

I don't have to tell you which one to listen to.
I know, another post in a sea of opinions, floating in cyberspace....Like who gives a rat's azz?
At least I got to publicly humiliate my ego once again, so your thread ends up helping me! Whether you take my post to heart or tell me to F-off worries me not, as I have no expectations.
All I have is a deep understanding of who causes all the problems around here!
It's difficult to see it that way in a society that caters to the ego rather than the soul.
Peace and love to you all.