I think it really stems from both male and female tends to put control over the other by saying, "It or me" comments to force someone to make a decision. Or in some cases, "I don't want you doing that", or "You can't do that because I don't want you to do it", etc, etc, and the list can go on. BOTH men and women have played these roles instead of supporting the others hobbies, dreams, or things they want to do, or they want to fulfill in their lives, because the other person is not really interested in it, or fear of losing the other person!
Example, Like a man who has a beautiful young wife and she wants to be a model, most men would NOT allow it because of fear of losing his beautiful wife to another, and he tells her he doesn't want her doing it and discourages her, then she gives up because hubby won't let her, same thing can be turned around with a woman. So BOTH men and women are at fault for trying to CONTROL instead of being supportive!
Frankly people like that should be kicked to the curb! Now in some cases we don't hear the WHOLE stories of others who put their business out in the open.
For instance;
Could the "OTHER" person want more attention paid to them, or do things with? Could it be that in relationships people tend to just be a physical body in a dwelling with the other and the "OTHER" person wants things to be like it "USED" to be in the beginning of a relationship?
People tend to get comfortable with each other in relationships, especially long term marriages where doing things together, intimacy, etc, usually fades away and each kind of does their own things!
So one really needs to look at what they are NOT doing that the other is actually wanting.
Now for instance you mentioned your wife said, "either the metal detector or her" So with that, what is THE REAL REASON she is saying that? Are you collecting too many pull tabs and she can't stand seeing them everywhere? Or is it the fact of you being gone all the time without any involvement with her?
I don't really care to know your personal life, but as I said, people tend to "GET COMFORTABLE" with each other after a period of time together.
BUT:
If I was still married to my ex-wife, I would certainly tell her to hit the door, don't slip and fall on all the pull tabs and bottle caps with your rump!
So, guess you need to decide why is the REAL reason behind your wife's comment to you.
