Snappy answers, or great comeback lines - Post them here

[spartacus53]

The world has become much too serious over the past few decades, so I think it's high time we took back having a good sense of humor. When growing up in he 60's I had become addicted to Mad Magazine like most kids my age. I thought one of the best recurring segments that magazine had was, "Snappy answers to stupid questions." When you think about everyday usage of our language, you can't help but not want to reply in a snappy fashion. Quick wit is surely becoming a dying art form in today's society.

For all intends and purposes this thread is broken down into snappy answers, and great comeback lines. Please note that there is a slight difference between the two. I'll start off by giving an example of each and hope to see some of your little treasures too

Snappy answers
Q - Does this bus go over the George Washington Bridge?
A - I hope not.. I hope it goes across the bridge

Comebacks
When I was a Jr in HS I had very long hair and had to cut it substantially for my grandmother's funeral. When I returned to school one teacher asked, "Did you get hit by a lawn mower?" Well the class did have a good laugh on me, but that was no problem. A few weeks later that same teacher was telling a story about what happened over the weekend. He and his wife were on a drive, stopped at a red light his car was struck from behind and his wife's wig feel off. Within 2 seconds I blurted out, "What's the matter, your wife's bald?" The class had their best laugh of the year and I failed that course..

I still look back at that and other times I have opened my mouth and still have no regrets about what I said. Believe it or not, I still laugh at many of my 100's of antics

Shoot me some tales, snappy answers, or comebacks... I'd love to hear them.

 

[Red James Cash]

Heres one for you spart. If somebody insults you or calls you a name all you have to say is "I've been called worse by better"

 

[hypoman]

Someone gave my wife a compliment when she was pregnant with our second child.
I wrapped my arm around her and said to them: "Yeah, she sure is swell...........ing."

 

[Frankn]

When they ask me,"Do they call you Frank?" I reply,"Among other things."

I use to use play on words to stimulate my 5 kids thinking.
In MD. they have signs before stop signs that state "stop ahead". One day when I had the 5 kids in the van I hit the breaks and yelled stop a head and put my hand on my son's head. I think that joke lasted a month.

Another one is the reply to "What's up?". The answer,"The sky.".
Hows the whether? Outside!
Etc,Etc.

 

[KEYSHUNTER]

funny ,people ask ,HOW LONG IS THE 7 MILE BRIGDE,,oh they only built it 5 miles becauce of the tunnel that is quicker to KEYWEST

 

[KEYSHUNTER]

the group that ask me WHEN DO WE GET TO THE KEYS ,i just take thier keys

 

[hypoman]

I was in a grocery store and found myself in need of the latrine. I went over the bathroom area but a mennonite family had beat me too it Thankfully they were mostly girls standing outside waiting their turns. I knocked on the mens restroom door and a man answers: "Who is it."
I look around then reply "My name is John. What's yours?" The little girls start giggling ( at least six of them) but he just chuckles and said just a minute. When he comes out I formally introduce myself, exchange names and get a new friend that I have never seen again.

 

[Frankn]

Another comeback to the writing a book question was, "Well leave my chapter out!"

 

[packerbacker]

So, you say you just want to be friends? Then, how about we consummate our friendship then?

 

[Chug And Red]

One time, about 3 years after we got married, Chug had to have surgery to remove tumors from one of his ears. At the time we had a 65 chevy impala, and had had it for a few months, one day about a week or so later we needed a manual for Taz (Don't laugh, lots of people name their cars! LOL) and we had heard about a guy who carried hard to find repair books, so off we went! Got there and found the manual, and off we went. On the way back home, we drove through a construction zone, and next thing we knew, yup, FLAT TIRE!!!! wait, it gets better! We had no spare, so Chug decided to chance the last mile home by driving really slow and carefully, with the hazzards on. Well, we ended up getting pulled over. The cop got out of his car and came to our car. "You realize you have a flat, right?" he asks, and Chug says yes, but we are close to home, and we have no spare. Well, the cop says "You can't keep driving like that, your car is tearing up the road!" I didn't even stop to think, I just blurted out"Well the road is tearing up our car!" This is the one and only time Chug said "shut your F%$&#ng mouth, your going to get us arrested!" We can laugh about it now, and my kids love that story!!!!!The cop ended up being really cool, and gave us a ride back to our apartment so that we could get our other car, and a spare tire!!!!! Red

 

[bigscoop]

I may be one of the reasons fast food lines have gotten slower, but after I place my order I don't really want to hear, "Would like to try one of our whatevers?" I mean, if I would have wanted to try a whatever I would have ordered it. So now I always reply, "Sure! I never turn down free food. Just cancel my order and I'll go with the free stuff. Tell the manager I said thanks." Then I pull up to the window.

 

[spartacus53]

Way to go Bigscoop That's almost like I do when I go food shopping. Carefully ply each and every aisle for canned goods you would wish to purchase. Once you have all the canned goods, go to the back of the aisle and proceed to dent each and everyone of them.. Then make your way to the manager and see what discounts they will offer for dented cans

 

[onfire]

RED"I've been called worse by better" GrinD: Think it was "I'v been worked on by professional's"

 

[onfire]

My son asked "Did you get Mom a watch for Christmas?" I said what for, there is one on the stove

 

[Immy]

Here's a good one you can use the next time someone badly sings along to a song you're trying to enjoy.

Ask the person singing badly "Hey, who sings this song?"

They answer (for example) "Jerry Lee Lewis!"

Your snappy answer: "Then why don't you let him sing it."

 

[mlayers]

It seems like almost everytime I get a hair cut someone at work will ask me. You get a hair cut. I look at them and say.

No I did not get a hair cut. I don't beleive in just getting one cut I got them all cut.



Matt

 

[spartacus53]

Another old one for a haircut is, No, I just washed i and it shrank.

 

[Tony66]

Another one is the reply to "What's up?". The answer,"The sky.".
Hows the whether? Outside!
Etc,Etc.

My usuall reply to "what's up" is "a 2 letter word meaning above"

 

[rginn]

Alright spart. I shall draw from my personal experiences. 'You think you're bad?' My response: No, but I'll keep your attention until bad comes along. My favorite response, which usually gets a bemused reaction to 'F*** You!!' My response: You wouldn't like it, I'd just lay there. Y'all feel free to use these, they are copyright free.