Unresolved grief!

[releventchair]

We are accountable for our actions. Not all actions can or will be corrected or rectified. We must keep in mind that this is an imperfect world and everyone, everyone, makes "mistakes." No one is perfect. The only thing we have control over is to forgive someone, anyone, everyone, for the "mistakes" and forgive one's self of their own. Kind of like the footwear slogan.... Just do it!

Aye!...Pobody's Nerfect!

 

Amazon Forum Fav 👍

Minelab PRO-FIND 35 Waterproof Pinpointer Metal Detector for Experts with Tone ID & Adjustable Sensitivity - Grab it through Amazon!

[DizzyDigger]

Mike, can I tell you, honestly, how I would handle your current
situation?

I would get myself somewhere out of hearing range for the rest
of the population, and then I would tell that sonofafemaledog
exactly what I think of him. I'd tell him I loved him, but that
doesn't make him any less of a rat .

Vent brother...just vent.

I'd tell him I am FREE, and no longer under any threat from him. Then,
I'd say...Goodbye.

Take a look behind you brother...you're hauling around a 200lb. sack
of bad history, and it can only affect you so long as you're dragging
it around.

Let it go. There is "0", none, nada bit of benefit to packing it along with
you. There is only pain in that bag, so let go of it and be a free man again.
You owe that bag nothing..

DON'T allow it in your thoughts..every time it pops into your mind, push
it out with something better. Do something that busies your mind.

I do understand..I've got head full of memories I don't want. They will
never go away, but that doesn't mean I have to keep pushing "replay".
There is no benefit to be gained by it, so why should I waste my time
thinking about it and make myself feel like crap? I don't, and won't.

There's no magic pill, and yes, there are people that can help. I saw a
good therapist every other week for over 2 years, and it did make
a difference. No, the memories didn't go away, but I did learn how to
deal with them when they pop up. You can too.

 

[ARC]

Sometimes we find ourselves accumulating "bags" of things that weigh us / hold us back... from moving forward.

Packing and holding heavy things... burdening things... as time goes... one becomes another and then another... which we carry with us...

Soon that bag becomes a suitcase... and then another and another.

We continue to collect and carry until the weight becomes very heavy and cumbersome ...

Soon you realize that the size of your bags and the weight prevents you from moving forward.

So... there you are... dragging these bags... struggling from the weight... wondering how you are going to continue on this journey carrying all this weight...

So you ask yourself... how can you fix it... how can you lighten the load...

All the while you are so busy struggling that you never see or realize that the solution is very simple...

Yes... very simple... no "ifs" "ands" or "buts"...

Are you ready for this ?

Just set them down... take a step forward... then keep walking... don't turn around... don't look back at them... and just keep walking away.

Leave them at that exact spot... never to return knowing where the bags are and what they contain...

And more importantly..

Why you left them there.

 

[Raider19962]

Well, while your Dad sounds like maybe a less than wonderful person, it seems to me he may have been feeling guilty at the end, and maybe his request was for you to move on without him, to go and live your life without guilt or regrets. Every day is a new day. The past is the past and we can't change it, but it does not have to define us. Live for today. Good luck.

 

[eman1000]

I just finished Authentic Manhood 33 the Series it is a very good training series on what it means to be a man, husband, and father. One of the big topics of discussion is the Father wound and how to "heal" so to speak and try to understand that as men we are imperfect and as fathers we fall short.

I wrestle with this a lot as a parent and hear too many stories of abuse and I hate hearing about what some kids have gone through. I've seen a few of these kids despite the odds turn into real authentic men. I wish there was a simple answer to your question BC1969 but I am not sure there is.

I personally believe it is a misunderstanding to ask someone to grieve in a certain way. I also agree with Dizzy, AARC, & Terry and for the most part I don't carry stuff around I make a decision and I don't burden myself with Guilt over something I believe is right.

If your interested in watching one of the videos or reading the book you can PM me and I will get you a copy. God Bless!

 

[GopherDaGold]

You said yourself that you never kept your promises. He knew that.
Let it out.

 

[Doubter in MD]

It's been 11 years since your Dad passed and you're still all twisted up about it. You're asking for advice from relative strangers on a treasure hunting forum. My advice to you is to seek professional help, Mike.

 

[chub]

It's been 11 years since your Dad passed and you're still all twisted up about it. You're asking for advice from relative strangers on a treasure hunting forum. My advice to you is to seek professional help, Mike.

Reddit. My Father killed himself back in the 90's. I was young. Its not easy. Be strong and move fwd.

chub

 

[Doubter in MD]

I re-read my post and I realize that it may have come off as harsh or snarky. I didn't intend it that way. If I remember correctly, this isn't the first time you've posted during a bout of depression.

If posting here, in relative anonymity, helps you to express your feelings then go for it. The community here will post advice and try to help you deal with it. But I stand by my original suggestion that you seek the help of a professional. Depression is a horrible, soul consuming thing. You will likely need more help to defeat it than anyone here can give.

 

[BC1969]

I really appreciate everything everyone said.

Professional help..yeah while my wife slowly dies in the next room.
If I could afford professional help, she'd be my only priority.
I cannot help her.
I cannot help myself aside from asking relative strangers.
I wasn't expecting to be trolled.
I'm sorry I wasted your precious time that you had to troll me.

My life isn't that important!

 

[DizzyDigger]

I really appreciate everything everyone said.
Professional help..yeah while my wife slowly dies in the next room.
If I could afford professional help, she'd be my only priority.
I cannot help her.
I cannot help myself aside from asking relative strangers.

If your wife is passing away, and even though you can't help
her situation, you still need to be with her in the next room..JMHO.

Were I to be in your situation, I would think that whatever my own
issues were, they would be put way down the list of priorities
at this time.

Care for your wife....everything else is irrelevant at the moment.

 

[Rebel - KGC]

GOOD, you are "talking" it out... YOU have OUR permission to GRIEVE by CRYING; please do so. YOUR cup of grief, is it 1/2 empty or 1/2 full...? Pour some of that cup out... and watch the future BLESSINGS flow; YOU are NOT alone!

 

[Peyton Manning]

I really appreciate everything everyone said.

Professional help..yeah while my wife slowly dies in the next room.
If I could afford professional help, she'd be my only priority.
I cannot help her.
I cannot help myself aside from asking relative strangers.
I wasn't expecting to be trolled.
I'm sorry I wasted your precious time that you had to troll me.

My life isn't that important!

No one trolled you. You ask for comments then get offended they aren’t what you want to hear?
Maybe tell exactly what you want us to post?

 

[worldtalker]

I'd have to disagree with you on that one Chris.
I absolutely have NOT become that bast@rd!
I've done everything I can to not become him.
I'm not very nice with words.
Not even towards my own flesh
( my wife).
But the buck stops there!

I'd kill myself before I become what that monster was!

Mike this says it well..GOD Bless you my Friend.

https://www.fhu.com/articles/hate1.html

 

[Rebel - KGC]

If your wife is passing away, and even though you can't help
her situation, you still need to be with her in the next room..JMHO.

Were I to be in your situation, I would think that whatever my own
issues were, they would be put way down the list of priorities
at this time.

Care for your wife....everything else is irrelevant at the moment.

Agree with this, to care for your wife; MAY be a "sense" of Deja Vu for you... are you afraid that your wife will ask for a promise or two...?

 

[Kace]

Agree with this, to care for your wife; MAY be a "sense" of Deja Vu for you... are you afraid that your wife will ask for a promise or two...?

That's Very Insightful Reb!

BC...Nobody is trolling or put out by your sharing your grief. Talk it all out, if you get one thing out of doing it here, it's that relative strangers Do Care About You.

What your Dad did isn't your fault...You'll Never Get A Satisfactory Answer Why He Was A Jerk...It Just Won't Happen.

Have you tried writing Everything Down, In Detail and then Burning or Burying It? You Do Have To Let It Die...Easier said than done I know from someone close to me that had the some of the same pain and issues you've described with now deceased parents and abuse from other adults. They thought it would all be better when they all died and it wasn't.

There is something out there that will let you vent your anger, grief, hurt and frustration.

We are here and praying for you!

Kace

 

[BC1969]

No one trolled you. You ask for comments then get offended they aren’t what you want to hear?
Maybe tell exactly what you want us to post?

Just shut up Jeff.
You've been a bully towards me as long as tha5 coilygirl was.
Just leave me alone.
You can't even be yourself JG.
I don't need YOUR comments or advice.
I didn't get offended.
Not everyone has a silver spoon up their ass!

 

[BC1969]

Bye now.
I don't need Any of this!
POOF!

FU Jeff

 

[DizzyDigger]

Bye now.
I don't need Any of this!
POOF!
FU Jeff

Far as I can tell nobody "trolled" you.

You're angry at your situation...I can understand that, but
if you're going to get nasty about it then you can just take it
elsewhere.

I do wish you the best of luck, and hope it all works out.

 

[BC1969]

I am taking it elsewhere!
I didn't need the comments about the guys dad killing himself and how I should just be strong and get over it.

Funny, same thing my mother says about the rapes that I endured as a child.
I cut her from my life.

Bye now.
See you in the next life.